Today is a day of celebration.
I published my first blog post exactly 1 year and 352 days ago, and I have officially written 102 blog posts. I should be enthusiastic and excited about the future.
And I am.
But I’m also unsure.
I feel unsure about my blogging future because I’m not sure if blogging will take me where I want to go.
I don’t know if or when I will accomplish my writing goals. I can’t imagine blogging for five more years and not getting a book contract as a result. I worry that I’ll keep writing and blogging but will never become a well-known author. I fear that my efforts will be wasted.
My blog is just one grain of sand on the vast seashore of the World Wide Web.
So why do I keep blogging?
(Warning: Things are about to get messy and real and slightly ugly…)
It’s not because my real desire is to touch the hearts of others—though it should be.
It’s not because I truly want God to be glorified through my writing—though I hope He is.
It’s not because writing helps me encourage the broken—though that may be a side benefit.
Honestly, I write with selfish motives.
I write for egotistical reasons—so I can talk about my blog and my followers and my writing.
I write for self-serving reasons—so I can build my platform and eventually become a published author.
I write for prideful reasons—so I can feel like I have value in something.
So should I even keep blogging?
After all, my motivations are completely messed-up.
Is blogging worth it?
Is it an idol?
Is it a waste of time?
Should I take a break?
Or—dare I say it—should I stop entirely?
My blogging dream is to get thousands of followers and eventually gain a platform that will attract publishers. Though that dream seems months and years and even decades away, I don’t think I’m ready to stop blogging yet.
I don’t want to throw away my 102 blog posts. I don’t want to leave the blogosphere forever. I’m not ready to let this dream go.
So, even though I feel like I write for selfish reasons, God can change my heart so that I’ll write for His glory. My motive for blogging should be to give Him glory. If I start allowing God to work in my life and in my writing, He can take it to an incredible place.
The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. (Proverbs 16:9 NASB)
One more thing…
Before I finish this post, I want to say thank you.
Thank you to my family for being supportive of my goals. Thank you to my readers and followers for keeping up with my posts. And thank You, Jesus, for creating a dream for me that is far greater than my own.