Dear Future Husband, I Want You to Lead

I’m currently hooked on a TV show from the early 2000s called Lost. I’ve only been watching this show for a short time, but I’m so intrigued by the group of plane crash survivors who get stuck on an island. I’ve watched two seasons of their adventures so far, and I’m definitely eager to find out what happens next.

As I’ve gotten more and more invested in the show, I’ve made (and remade) lists of my favorite characters. But I’ve discovered that I like very few characters on the show for one reason or another. They’re irritable, selfish, devious—or they possess some other negative trait.

But one character whom I’ve liked since Season 1 is Jack Shephard. Honestly, he’s not particularly attractive. He often looks dirty, grimy, and sweaty (which is purposeful, of course, but is still a turn-off). Still, he’s my favorite character on the show. Why?

Because he’s unwaveringly strong.

Few and Far Between

Hard-working, persistent, and serious, Jack is a well-liked doctor who cares about the needs of others. He’s not perfect by any means—he definitely has a temper and an ego. But he’s a strong leader. He’s consistent. And he sticks to his guns.   

At some point during my young adult years—perhaps during college—I began to realize how many guys aren’t like Jack. Instead of showing diligence, they’re usually lazy and lethargic. Instead of being helpful and attentive, they don’t often show passion for anything or anyone besides themselves. Instead of being leaders, they frequently choose to be followers—sheep following other sheep right off a cliff.

I could try to explain why I observed so many guys un-like Jack in college, but that’s another post for another time. Chalk it up to over-attentive mothers, absent fathers, porn addictions, and a host of other things. But instead of focusing on the less-than-impressive guys that I’ve observed, I want to focus on the potential for strength that men have—if they’re willing to unleash it in the right ways.

Though there are very few guys like Jack in the world, I’ve met a few. They show that they care by offering a smile or a listening ear. They choose to persevere in difficult situations instead of letting challenges overcome them. They have solid convictions, and even though they sin, they own up to their sin and are willing to confess it. They protect.

These are just a few of the traits that I want you to have, Future Husband.

More Than I Care to Count

Funnily enough, there’s a very annoying character on Lost named Kate Austen who’s always trying to be equal with Jack—go on adventures like Jack, take care of people like Jack, and protect the other islanders like Jack. Instead of letting Jack be the naturally strong leader that he is, Kate always seems determined to lead right alongside him.

Kate is often an unlikeable character because she takes matters into her own hands. She acts like she doesn’t want a man to protect her or care for her. She pretends like she can do anything that a man can do. But she’s just not as strong as the male survivors from the plane crash—especially not Jack. She simply refuses to embrace the fact that she’s a woman and she needs Jack’s leadership.

But, in contrast to the scarceness of Jack-like men in the world, there’s an overabundance of Kate-like women. These women are feministic. They claim that they don’t need men. They pretend to be Miss Independence. They give men the evil eye as soon as they show a hint of chivalry.

But, Future Husband, I have something to tell you about Jack, Kate, and leadership.

Lead Me

I don’t want to be the leader in our relationship; I want you to be the leader. I want you to hold the door open for me and give up the last seat for me. I want you to be the strong one because I know I won’t be able to most of the time.

Future Husband, I need you to be a leader. Like Jack, yes. But, more importantly, like Jesus.

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24 NASB1995)

Sure, I like to have a little independence and do my own thing sometimes. But in a marriage—in our marriage, Future Husband—I realize that you’re going to be my spiritual leader. And I embrace the fact that you’ll lead me, protect me, and love me through it all.

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