You can spot her a mile away—you know, the settler (= the girl who’s settling for a guy who’s very eh).
She’s sitting with her boyfriend at a restaurant and is desperately trying to gain his eye contact, but his eyes are glued to his phone. She’s dying for him to simply ask her how her day was, but he barely utters five words to her throughout their meal. She pays the bill at the end of the meal as he practically trudges out to the car. Maybe she even invites him up to her apartment after dinner with the hope that, if she sleeps with him, maybe he’ll start seeming more interested in her.
Why does this girl settle for such a loser? He doesn’t love her, let alone care about her. He’s only half-invested in their relationship (if that much). What’s the point of it?
Why We Settle
She stays with him because she’s afraid of what will happen if she breaks up with him. She claims that being with him is better than being alone. After all, if she breaks up with him, will she ever meet someone else?
Friends, there’s nowhere to go but up. And being alone is so much better than settling. Oh, how I don’t want you to settle. Because I’ve seen so many girls settle for guys who weren’t necessarily losers but who definitely weren’t winners. And they deserved winners. So do you.
So, if you think you might be settling for a guy who’s simply not right for you, here are a few signs to know for sure:
1. He’s Not a Christian.
Friends, this is the reddest of red flags. I can’t express how dangerous this it. If your boyfriend isn’t a Christian, things will only get worse—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually—the longer your relationship continues.
2. He Doesn’t Pursue You.
As common as the girl-chasing-guy thing is today, it’s simply not a good start to a relationship. Think about it this way: if you initiated your relationship with your boyfriend, then what will cause him to start initiating things—spiritual growth in your relationship, date night ideas, the possibility of getting engaged, etc.? Why should he continue what you started?
3. He’s Just Not That into You.
If your boyfriend has demonstrated that he simply cares about himself, then he doesn’t really love you. And that’s a definite sign that you’re settling. Because genuine love has to be the foundation of your relationship. And if he’s the foundation of your relationship instead, you’re going to become resentful and bitter over time.
Hear Me Out, Friends
Friends, I write this post because I genuinely don’t want you to settle. I’ve seen so many girls settle for guys who (1) aren’t Christians or (2) don’t pursue them or (3) aren’t that into them. And it pains me deeply to see sweet Christian girls stay in relationships with so-so guys.
We have sinned like our fathers, we have committed iniquity, we have behaved wickedly. Our fathers in Egypt did not understand Your wonders; they did not remember Your abundant kindnesses, but rebelled by the sea, at the Red Sea. Nevertheless He saved them for the sake of His name, that He might make His power known. Thus He rebuked the Red Sea and it dried up, and He led them through the deeps, as through the wilderness. So He saved them from the hand of the one who hated them, and redeemed them from the hand of the enemy. The waters covered their adversaries; not one of them was left. Then they believed His words; they sang His praise. They quickly forgot His works; they did not wait for His counsel, but craved intensely in the wilderness, and tempted God in the desert. So He gave them their request, but sent a wasting disease among them. (Psalm 106:6-15 NASB1995, emphasis mine)
Think about all the things that God has done in your life up to this point—the things that you know were done by the hand of God because they were so beyond your control. Why can’t God do the same thing in this area of your life—this area of fear and loneliness and unsurety? Why can’t God outperform your biggest expectations for your future husband? The thing is, He can. We might have to wait, but the wait is never in vain.
I can’t even begin to name the negative consequences of settling for a guy who’s not God’s best for you. But I can tell you with confidence that you won’t regret waiting for (1) a Christian guy who (2) pursues you who (3) is super into you. Friends, that kind of guy who’s in it for the long haul is worth a temporarily painful breakup now.