Ever since I signed a contract for Real Recovery: What Eating Disorder Recovery Actually Looks Like, I’ve been afraid. Actually, I was afraid before I ever signed the contract. I’ve harbored fears about writing a book, becoming a published author, and finding success. To be more specific, I’ve harbored fears about being unable to write a book, become a published author, and find success. There’s now a checkmark next to “write a book” and “become a published author,” but there’s not yet a checkmark next to “find success.” I realize that success is a subjective concept, so here’s my version of it: being a well-known, well-loved published author. And I haven't found that success yet.
Why are we as women so afraid to walk away from things? That's been a pressing question on my mind recently, and I decided to address it here because I’m sure that I’m not the only one who’s asking that question.
I wanted to open up about *why* I wrote it. I feel like the *why* behind a book is sometimes just as important as the *what* inside a book. Why did I specifically choose to write about eating disorders and recovery? Why did I write Real Recovery? Here are two of the main reasons.
So, when we have to make a morally neutral decision (meaning a decision that is neither moral nor immoral), we panic. In wanting to follow God’s will for our lives, I believe that we’ve gone from one extreme to the other—not caring what God thinks about our decisions to being terrified that God will hate our decisions. What if there’s a balance between both of those extremes?
In approximately eight months, I’ll likely join the billions of people working 9-5 (ish) jobs. I’ll collapse on the couch when I get home from the office. I’ll solely look forward to Fridays. I’ll talk too much with my coworkers about the “amazing” lunch I packed. And I’ll completely forget about my dreams because I’ll be spending my days in a lonely cubicle and spending my nights recovering from the workday. That's why I'm so scared about graduating from college.
My excitement about going home for spring break turned into nervousness about the unknown for the rest of the semester. I hate the unknown. That’s why I’m most concerned about the coronavirus. Because I don't know when I can resume my normal life again.
We all struggle to find our identity in Christ alone. We all want to find our value in something we achieve, and we want others to notice our achievements. But Christ notices us—even without our achievements.
Courage is more common than we think. Every single day, we are faced with opportunities to be strong and courageous…or to fearfully back down. I often choose to fearfully back down. I could try to complicate the reasons why I do this, or I could admit that I’m simply terrified and unwilling to trust my Savior.