Where God's Word Meets Our Mess
So Danny and Nina got promoted instead of me? I thought. Why didn’t I get promoted? Everyone in this company is probably wondering why Danny and Nina got promoted but I didn’t. I mean, am I doing something wrong? What am I doing wrong? What’s wrong with me?
When I started to make the challenging transition from childhood to adulthood, I also started feeling angsty at Christmastime. I wanted Christmas to be a happy holiday, but that didn’t feel possible anymore. Nothing felt the same as it had felt when I was a little kid—giddy to buy gifts, make gifts, and (without a doubt) get gifts. What happened to all those Christmas feels that I had when I was a kid?
Yes, from Day One, He had been walking with me through the book publication journey—from compiling my messy thoughts in a Word document that eventually turned into a manuscript to submitting book proposals and query letters to signing a book contract to preparing Real Recovery for publication to becoming an officially published author with reviews on Amazon and speaking opportunities in churches and schools. Somehow, though, none of that seemed to matter to me when I thought about the fact that I wasn’t speaking at national and international conferences…or writing for magazines with thousands of readers…or having book signings at every bookstore across the United States. The opportunities that God had provided thus far didn’t feel like enough. I didn’t feel like enough.
Your therapist told you to feel your grief. To stop avoiding your frustration. To sit in your discomfort. To face your pain. And you promised her that you would. So you did. You felt your grief, stopped avoiding your frustration, sat in your discomfort, and faced your pain. But you didn’t feel any better. Instead, you felt more upset and more hopeless than you did before. Why?
Oh, to be at peace with wherever God has placed us right now. Oh, to feel full of life, rather than full of resentment. Oh, to know that this season is not accidental or meaningless. What if I told you that you can?
Friends, I know singleness isn't easy. It's nobody's fault that you're un-dated, un-engaged, and un-married. But patience isn't becoming easier. Instead, feelings of loneliness, disappointment, and curiosity, and fear are becoming easier. What's a girl to do?
I know how icky our emotions can seem at Christmastime. They bubble up and bubble over, and we panic. We don’t know what to do with these uncomfortable feelings, so we do anything and everything to not think about them. To brush them to the back of our minds. To forget they exist. And that seems to sort of work. At least temporarily. Until we are completely and utterly alone.
God's nature is persistent, strong, and steady. He doesn't leave. He doesn't give up. He doesn't wave. While I am not advocating habitual sin in this poem, I am advocating habitual returning to God's forgiveness.
Friend, take heart that your feelings do not determine the truth. Be encouraged that every moment you do feel like a lost, blind wretch is a moment God can use to draw you closer to Himself. But also be encouraged that every moment you don’t feel like a lost, blind wretch is still a moment God can use to draw you closer to Himself.
Tizzie's Tidbits of Truth 