As you know, TTT is a place where God’s Word meets our mess. It’s where I share personal stories + Scripture to encourage you. And I realize I write about the importance of “being real” with others quite often. But I also realize it can be difficult to do that in a co-ed setting, like a co-ed small group through your church. That’s why I want to share three practical ways you can be transparent in your co-ed small group (without being awkward):
1. Share how God has worked/is working in your life.
In a small group I used to attend at a different church, a couple different people shared their testimonies with the group. By sharing their testimonies, they opened up about who they are and what they’d been through. Ultimately, it helped everyone in the group get to know them better and demonstrated how God demonstrated His faithfulness in their lives.
Sharing your testimony—or another story about how God has worked/is working in your life—is a great way to be transparent in your co-ed small group. You don’t need to brag on yourself (like “I overcame this addiction and have been thriving since”) or give too many details (like “I used to have sex with my boyfriend every night, but God gave me the courage to break up with him”). Simply talking about the ways God has been faithful to you will probably encourage the people in your small group.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask for prayer or to pray for others.
At the same small group I mentioned above, we ended every small group meeting by sharing prayer requests. It was an opportunity for me to be transparent with my fellow small group members and for them to be transparent with me—without randomly diving into the ups and downs of our lives. It was appropriate not awkward.
If your small group normally has a prayer time, be willing to ask for prayer. Even if you don’t feel comfortable sharing all the details (sometimes those are better left unsaid!), then just briefly describe your prayer request. And if someone else in your small group has a prayer request, offer to pray for it during the prayer time—and throughout the week as his or her request comes to mind.
3. Be intentional about spending time with just the girls.
In most small groups, a typical gathering includes a period of time for the lesson (i.e., Bible study and prayer) and a period of time before and/or after the lesson to chat with people in the group. Plus, hanging out outside the small group setting—like at a restaurant or on a hike—is also a great opportunity to chat. It can definitely be more comfortable (and more appropriate) to be transparent in a girls-only conversation or gathering than in a co-ed conversation or gathering.
Instead of arriving seconds before your small group lesson starts or leaving seconds after it ends, give yourself enough time before and/or after the lesson to find a conversation to join. If possible, join a girls-only conversation where you feel comfortable being honest with them. Of course, don’t exclude anyone—including guys—who want to join the conversation. And be open to having a girls-only gathering outside of your normal small group meetings so you can have more transparent conversations and be in a more comfortable environment.
Closing Thoughts
Friends, you can grow in your faith when you build up other believers. And being in a small group (even a co-ed small group) is a great way to do that. Don’t conceal your thoughts or emotions—or even your struggles—simply because the group has both girls and guys in it. Without oversharing, be transparent as you encourage others.
But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God’s love. And you must show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment. Show mercy to still others, but do so with great caution, hating the sins that contaminate their lives. (Jude 1:20-23 NLT)
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