Where God's Word Meets Our Mess
As my friends sort through their romantic relationships—whether married, engaged, dating, or almost-dating—I sort through my feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and despair. I cling to my unwantedness like a beloved toy. It feels wrong to cling so tightly to such an ugly feeling, but I can’t seem to let go. All I want to know is this: Am I wanted?
God knows I need time to grow in Him before I can get close to any guy. And that’s how I’ve tasted His goodness. Though I've been treating Him like a villain for not allowing anyone to ask me out, I've actually been living in His mercy.
I believe God has convicted me that, deep down in my soul, I treasure these people and things more than Him. Yes, I still know Him. Yes, I still love Him. Yes, I still belong to Him. But I've been chasing my fleshly desires.
Sure, the lack of toilet paper, the constant mask-wearing, and the frequent boredom are irritating. But perhaps the deeper—and subtler—reason we hate COVID-19 is because it wasn’t part of our plan.
Our relationship—or, rather, the fantasy of our relationship—became the thing I depended on. Not God’s real love for me. Not His real faithfulness to me. Not His real truth for me. I was overly dependent on a fake love, a fictitious faithfulness, and a false truth.
If God is my everything, I don’t need anything. I don’t need a date for Friday night. I don’t need a boyfriend who buys me flowers. I don’t need a husband who holds me in his arms. And I don’t need Four. Because I have Him.
Starting to wonder if I should have stayed, questioning ev’ry decision I’d made, hoping that, somehow, I’d find a safe place, but doubting that I could survive this escape.
I couldn’t believe Reagan got up and left her seat beside me to sit with other people. Why had she rejected me again? Or, I could be asking myself when I will put the past behind me and forgive Reagan…because maybe I never really forgave her for rejecting me the first time.
I noticed her face somewhere in the sea of people, but I couldn’t tell where she had gone. All I knew was that she wasn’t sitting with me. And that hurt. How could she have ignored my offer? Why did she reject my invitation?
Tizzie's Tidbits of Truth 