I wrote this poem during a very difficult year. I was finishing my sophomore year of college, and I was struggling to accept my body. Like really struggling. I was considered "recovered" from my anorexia nervosa, but I still absolutely abhorred my body. I wallowed in my self-hatred day after day. Halfheartedly praying for acceptance and motivation, I felt utterly defeated by the devil and his weapons of deception. But God didn't leave me in my moment of need. He stayed.
When you get stuck in the works-based-salvation rut (which you can get stuck in pre-salvation and post-salvation, by the way), open up your Bible and see what God has to say about it. It's true that the Bible contains God's commands. But it's not true that you must keep all of those commands to become (or stay) saved. Read the book of Romans if you don't believe me. You'll discover that He was, is, and will be better than we ever could be.
Think of this post as a letter from God to you. Obviously, His real letter to us is His Word. But I felt like God was sharing these things with me when I was let down recently. He spoke words of comfort, assurance, and strength when I felt distressed, insecure, and weary.
This poem is based on an analogy from Scripture. As the church, Christ's bride, we can live in gratitude and joy because we no longer wear darkness and shame. Just as the groom typically wears a black suit and the bride typically wears a white dress at their wedding, Christ wore black—our sin—so that we could wear white—His righteousness.
When I try to find satisfaction in people and things, all I feel is the emptiness in my soul that screams, “More, more, more!” And we were made for more, dear friends. In fact, we were made for eternity with our all-satisfying, all-fulfilling, all-completing Savior. He won’t leave you longing for more.
In the perfect home God created us for, there will be no unsatisfied longings.
The following is written from God's perspective, not my own. Of course, I'm not trying to put words in His mouth or add to the Bible. These words are just my ideas of what He might tell you if you are...
As my friends sort through their romantic relationships—whether married, engaged, dating, or almost-dating—I sort through my feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and despair. I cling to my unwantedness like a beloved toy. It feels wrong to cling so tightly to such an ugly feeling, but I can’t seem to let go. All I want to know is this: Am I wanted?
God knows I need time to grow in Him before I can get close to any guy. And that’s how I’ve tasted His goodness. Though I've been treating Him like a villain for not allowing anyone to ask me out, I've actually been living in His mercy.