Is Church Hurt a Real Thing?

A couple years ago, I noticed a trend in the Christian book market. All of a sudden, it felt like there were lots of books about church hurt. I’m thankful I haven’t had any traumatizing experiences at church, but I did begin to wonder if church hurt is more common than I thought. Church hurt definitely is a real thing, and that’s why I wrote this post.

Not What I Expected

In a previous post, I talked about my family’s search for a church after we moved from Maryland to Tennessee. The process of finding a church wasn’t easy. To be honest, I encountered more unkindness during that process than I expected. When people didn’t welcome or include us, it hurt.

However, I’m thankful we didn’t give up on finding a church. By the grace of God, we kept searching, even when we felt weary and discouraged. In His perfect timing, He led us to a great church. We feel like we truly belong there.

I’m not claiming that my church hurt experience is just as hard as the church hurt experiences of others. I realize that being ignored isn’t as painful as being scorned or betrayed or abused by people in church. I simply share my experience to demonstrate that church hurt is a real thing—but you can heal from it, friends.

Uprooting Bitterness

Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled… (Hebrews 12:14-15 NASB1995)

Friends, your church hurt experience might be completely legitimate. It might still cause you significant pain, even if it happened several years ago. It might have permanent effects on your life. But the “cure” for church hurt isn’t to stop attending any and all churches. I believe the cure is to attend the right church.

Attending the church where you had a negative experience isn’t mandatory, but gathering with other believers is (Hebrews 10:25). If you’ve allowed bitterness to take root in your heart and keep you from going to church, it’s time to surrender your pain to God and—as needed/appropriate—pursue reconciliation with the people who have hurt you. Don’t let prior church hurt hold you back from enjoying rich fellowship with your brothers and sisters in Christ now.