A decade ago, my friends and I were all in the same season of life: high school. But when I finished college, everything changed. Suddenly, I felt like I was running in a race—a race I hadn’t signed up for. I tried to keep up with my friends, but their pace was extremely fast. Weak, exhausted, and in pain, I paused to catch my breath.
“Don’t forget about me back here!” I shouted as a long line of people passed me on the path. “I’ll catch up with you soon!”
But in that moment, I realized I might not be able to catch up with my friends. They were going so quickly, and I was going so slowly. As I resumed the race, a question popped into my head: How did we all start in the same place and end up in such different places?
When Everyone Ran at the Same Speed
Before I discuss how and why I feel behind in life, I want you to know that I’m not writing this post to make wife/mom readers feel bad for having husbands/children. This is simply my experience, and I share it with compassion, knowing that people in all seasons of life—not just singleness—feel behind at times. (I’ll talk more about that later.)
However, the race metaphor does represent the past five-ish years of my life. I’ve felt very behind my friends and acquaintances who have husbands and children. Even though I’ve desired a family of my own, I haven’t received that blessing from God yet.
Before and during college, I didn’t feel super behind. Sure, I wanted to go on dates—which didn’t happen—but I figured my time would come soon. Only a handful of people my age were getting married and having babies, so I didn’t feel abnormal.
But let’s fast forward to my college graduation ceremony. I sat next to my friend Liz*, who had gotten married after our freshman year and was pregnant with her first child. During our senior year, we did various “baby things” together. I went shopping for baby clothes with her. I attended her baby shower at church. I recorded the gifts she received there.
Though I didn’t realize it at the time, my friendship with Liz provided a glimpse—a very small glimpse—of what my friendships would look like for the next five-plus years.
When I Started to Trail Behind Everyone
After I graduated from college, I noticed an increase in romantic relationships among people my age. Save-the-dates and wedding invitations started covering my fridge. My weekends filled up with bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and wedding ceremonies. Registries, caterers, and honeymoons became normal conversation topics with my friends and acquaintances.
One by one, their last names changed—and their lives did too. I watched them enter a new season while I stayed behind. I offered enthusiasm, but I couldn’t provide much advice or support. I didn’t understand the challenges associated with booking a wedding venue, buying a home, or spending holidays with in-laws.
Within a few years, the season changed again—not for me, but for my friends and acquaintances. Engagement announcements were replaced by pregnancy announcements, bridal showers were replaced by baby showers, and wedding receptions were replaced by meal trains. I know so many people my age who have recently become parents (or will become parents very soon).
Again, I can attempt to encourage them, but I can’t relate to them. I know nothing about maternity clothes or morning sickness. When words like “induction” and “lactation” come up in conversation, I shut down. I feel totally disconnected—and totally ignorant.
The “wedding whirlwind” and the “baby boom” I’ve witnessed in recent years have surprised me. I’m not exactly sure why. I mean, getting married and having babies are normal occurrences for young adults—well, for many young adults.
I’ll share the rest of my experience in Part 2, but until then, here’s what you need to know: “The LORD kept his word and did for Sarah exactly what he had promised. She became pregnant, and she gave birth to a son for Abraham in his old age. This happened at just the time God had said it would” (Genesis 21:1-2 NLT). I’ll dive deeper into the significance of that passage next week. See you then!
*Name has been changed.
Tizzie's Tidbits of Truth 