Where God's Word Meets Our Mess
We’ve all heard that we need to wear our hearts on our sleeves and let our emotions determine how we act. But if you’ve ever been rejected by a friend whom you bared your soul to or ignored by a boyfriend whom you spoke intimately with or reprimanded by a mentor whom you shared your darkest secret with, then you know that wearing your heart on our sleeve is messy.
As I write this post I’m preparing to graduate from college. I had four lovely years at a college where I met new friends, found a church that felt like home, and led a discipleship group of six great gals. I attended many memorable student events, played keyboard for campus chapel services, and tutored an amazing girl named Lexi. I used the word “community” way too much, sat in local coffee shops as I watched people interact, and discovered my favorite local restaurants. I enjoyed being at college. But now I must return to my actual home—in the brand-new territory called "adulthood"—and I’m not ready.
Sean, I can’t waste any more years expecting something to happen between us. Nothing ever did, and nothing ever will. I’ve wanted you to be my boyfriend for years. Your smile, friendliness, and confidence (and handsomeness, duh) are incredibly attractive qualities. You're everything that I could ever want. But I can’t keep waiting for you to notice me. I know I have to move on. I’m mostly hopeful that the future is bright…for both of us. Here are a few things that you should know before we part ways.
So I have this problem—a problem of pointless pursuits. Pointless pursuits have kind of been the theme of my life, at least in the last few years. I haven’t pursued empty things because people failed to warn me about the consequences. Ignorance wasn’t the issue. My stubbornness was.
I know that I recently wrote you a letter about accepting your singleness while still being honest about how challenging it is. But there’s something else that’s just as important that I need to share with you: I truly believe that you're single for a reason. So Single Girl, find purpose in whatever you do while you wait to date and get married.
You sit on a hard wooden pew in an old church sanctuary. You're surrounded by a sea of people who seem genuinely joyful. They sing "Victory in Jesus" with loud voices. Your head just spins. Their cheerful voices echo throughout the entire sanctuary, but Satan’s voice is the only thing that you can hear right now.
Others have done what I want to do—become a traditionally published young author of a nonfiction Christian book. Honestly, I envy them. I want their success. But for now, I’m an almost-graduated college student without a published book. And those authors are living my dream.
But as I visit church after church and feel like I don’t quite fit, I sigh. As I notice Sean walk past me without acknowledging me, I sigh. As I struggle to find a job that sounds enjoyable, I sigh. I’m just glad that God hears me when I do.
Some soon-to-be-college-grads whom I know have plans for the future already. They already have jobs lined up, they’ve already met Mr. Right, or they’ve already chosen to further their education. But I don’t have anything set for my life after April. And that scares me.
Tizzie's Tidbits of Truth 