Hey, Sean.*
So I’m graduating from college really soon—the college where you work and where I’ve attended for the last four years. I’m probably never going to see you again after I get my diploma. And that’s a bittersweet (actually just bitter) realization for me.
My stomach churns a little at the thought of never seeing your gorgeous face ever again. I’ve liked you for approximately six years—from the moment my older sister showed me your student picture in the college directory while I was still in high school and you were still in college.
Sean, I can’t waste any more years expecting something to happen between us. Nothing ever did. Nothing ever will.
I’ve wanted you to be my boyfriend for years. Your smile, your friendliness, and your athletic build are incredibly attractive. You’re a confident and kind Christian man. You are everything that I could ever want.
But I can’t keep waiting for you to notice me. I can’t have you, and I simply have to accept that. I’m mostly hopeful that the future is bright…for both of us. Here are a few things you should know before we part ways:
1. I hope you find the right girl for you. (I’m not her.)
I don’t wish you any harm, okay? I don’t know why you caught my eye so quickly…but you did. Maybe because I thought we could someday somehow become something.
I know we weren’t meant to be together, but I know that you’ll make another girl very happy. Sweep her off her feet. Maybe someday I’ll be swept off mine. There is another fish in the sea—for both of us.
2. I may always like you. But I won’t always need you.
I realize that, after my graduation, you’ll stay at the college and I’ll go home. We will no longer pass each other in the cafeteria. I will no longer stare at you from across campus as you run down the sidewalk. I will no longer secretly hope to see you in the library. Out of sight out of mind, right?
Your oblivion is frustrating, but so is my unexplainable dependence on you. I’m sorry I spent six years crushing on you. I wasted so much time and energy thinking about what could have been between us. But it’s time for me to move on.
3. I don’t need you to prove my worth. You don’t need me to prove yours.
You’re already confident. You know who you are, and that’s wonderful. I’m still figuring out who I am, which is also okay. But I can’t figure out who I am until I leave you behind.
This isn’t a fictitious melodramatic High School Musical moment. This is real life. And I really need to figure out what I’m doing with it. Without you to distract me.
See Ya, Sean
Many plans are in a person’s heart, but the advice of the Lord will stand. (Proverbs 19:21 NASB)
Sean, I had amazing plans for us. My six years of crushing on you were not going to be wasted. You were going to fall in love with me and quit your job in order to pursue a relationship with me…since college policy bans staff from dating students. (Ahem.) Then you were going to ask me to marry you. And we were going to get married and live happily ever after.
But my plans didn’t exactly happen.
Solomon knew what he was talking about when he said that people have lots of plans. My heart is bursting at the seams with them. I just need to trust God more than I trust my plans.
Sean, you’ll probably never read this. And that’s probably for the best. I just want you to know that you should live your life, and I should live mine. Separately. Doing what God has called both of us to do. Marrying who God has called both of us to marry.
See ya, Sean.
*Name has been changed.
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