Perhaps I enjoy Hallmark movies so much because of my increasing age and loneliness. Or maybe I enjoy them because of my desperation for clean romantic movies in a sea of sex-saturated romance movies—or just desperation in general.

Even though I haven’t seen that many Hallmark movies, I’ve seen enough to know what all the endings will be: happily ever after. Honestly, Hallmark, you deceive so many women with your cookie-cutter romances. These five false expectations that you've given us are particularly to blame.