When I started to make the challenging transition from childhood to adulthood, I also started feeling angsty at Christmastime. I wanted Christmas to be a happy holiday, but that didn’t feel possible anymore. Nothing felt the same as it had felt when I was a little kid—giddy to buy gifts, make gifts, and (without a doubt) get gifts. What happened to all those Christmas feels that I had when I was a kid?
You know that crushed feeling you get when the guy you like starts dating someone else? I wrote this poem on the same day that I found out the guy I secretly liked was dating someone else. Honestly, it was a very depressing day for me. But the purpose of this poem isn't to throw a pity party; it's to express my emotions and hopefully provide an outlet for you to express yours, too. You don't have to stuff the sadness down into the depths of your soul. Even when you're sad about something seemingly silly, like your crush dating another girl. You can take that sadness to Someone.
Christmas is coming, which means a lot of smiles, laughter, and general Christmas cheer. But this year feels different to you. This year feels…hard. You’re experiencing a jumble of emotions: "I’m supposed to be excited about Christmas, aren’t I? Why do I feel anxious, overwhelmed, and exhausted? What’s wrong with me? This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but I’m ready for it to be over."
I know you’re eager for all the suffering to end. Right. This. Second. But God doesn’t want us to get too comfortable in a place that isn’t our real home. We only have to rest for a little while longer.
It doesn’t make sense, does it? I know that you’re trying to make sense of why you’re still alone. Why no one has wanted you. Why no one has touched you. Why no one has dared utter your name—except to criticize you or order a cheeseburger and fries combo meal.
You’re not trying to be haughty or self-centered. You just want to know: God, why not me? And God, why her?
Despite what many Christians will tell you (or imply), it's actually okay to feel empty. You're not less of a Christian because you can't see, hear, or feel God right now...even if that "right now" period lasts for a while. It isn't our job as believers to conjure up emotions that don't exist.
I felt weary and distant from God, and I felt apathetic about my circumstances. I know that feeling a certain way isn’t necessarily a choice...but following our feelings is a choice. And it has consequences.
It’s not sinful for you to feel un-Christmassy. It’s okay if you believe you’ve lost your Christmas spirit. You can’t force yourself to feel a certain way, but you can force yourself to focus on the truth about Christmas. And if you’ve lost your Christmas spirit, maybe you’ve been looking for it in the wrong place
I drove away from our church pondering the reality that I may never see my youth pastor or his family again. I can’t remember specific events that impacted me so much, but I do know that he and his family impacted my church and desired to draw us toward Christ. Are goodbyes supposed to be this hard?