As a “follow up” to my new book, I wanted to publish a series of posts about the question “What if I never get married?” because it can feel like such a haunting question for single girls, including yours truly. In short, this series addresses this question from a balanced, biblical perspective. Part 1 (which you can read here if you missed it) focused on the truth that marriage is good because God created it. Part 2 is about this truth: Marriage isn’t guaranteed at a certain time.
The Problem with “Ring by Spring”
In the very first chapter of my book The Ring by Spring Ruse—and in the title, obviously—I revealed that “ring by spring” is a ruse. I don’t know who came up with that phrase or when that phrase (and the broader concept) infiltrated the Church. But I do know that “ring by spring” needs to disappear from our vocabularies—and our expectations.
Do some people meet their spouses during college? Yes. But does everyone have that experience? No. (*insert 10 exclamation points for emphasis*)
I wasn’t a hardcore believer in “ring by spring” when I started attending a Christian college. But throughout my four years there, I did think and dream about going on dates, having a boyfriend, and even meeting my husband. None of my fantasies became realities though. In fact, my college graduation was five years ago, and my fantasies still haven’t become realities (unless you count the four definitely-not-ideal dates I’ve gone on since then).
I believe the “ring by spring” expectation is harmful to both guys and girls. It sets them up for unnecessary disappointment if they don’t get engaged/married by graduation. Plus, it adds unnecessary pressure to their lives during a time that’s already quite stressful.
If we truly desire to trust and obey the Lord, we should open our hands to His plans, not tighten our grip on our own plans. He knows the “when” (and all the other details) of when we’ll find love. When we allow His plans to unfold, we’ll discover they’re much better than ours.
Let’s Take a Look at Real Life
I want to transition to an encouraging (and enlightening) story about a Christian author, speaker, and podcaster whom you may follow. Her name is Annie F. Downs, and she’s 45 years old. I don’t agree with all of her views, but I do want to celebrate her recent engagement (which you can read more about at The Christian Post).
Obviously, Annie didn’t get a ring by spring. She didn’t get engaged or married in her early twenties. Although I don’t know exactly what her season of singleness looked like (or what she thought about it), I imagine that waiting 45 years to find love was very hard. Perhaps she carried doubts and fears about marriage, wondering if she would get to experience it one day—or not. But now, everything has changed. She’s wearing an engagement ring, planning her wedding, and preparing for her marriage to a man who—based on what I’ve read—seems amazing.
I share this story because it reminds me that when the time is right (i.e., in accordance with God’s plan), everything can change; I may just have to wait a little longer.
At the Appointed Time
“Is anything too hard for the LORD? At the appointed time I will return to you, about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son.” (Genesis 18:4 ESV)
You may remember a two-part series I published in January about feeling behind, especially during singleness. In Part 1, I introduced a couple in the Old Testament—Abraham and Sarah—and God’s promise to them. In Part 2, I shared more about God’s promise and how Abraham (but especially Sarah) failed to trust Him.
Genesis 18:4 is from this story. God appeared to Abraham and told him that He would return the following year and bless Sarah with a son, but Sarah laughed—yes, laughed—when she overheard their conversation (Genesis 18:1-15). But as you already know if you read the series in January, God did fulfill His promise, even though Sarah doubted (Genesis 21:1-2).
I realize that this is a specific story about a specific couple in a specific part of Scripture, but I believe that God’s character shines through this story (and every story in His Word), if we open our eyes to see it. What I see in this story is God’s providence and patience. He didn’t “rush” His plan. Rather, He fulfilled it at the appointed time.
Asking the question “What if I never get married?” is natural and normal. But don’t assume you’ll never get married simply because you’re not married right now. This might not be the appointed time for you to find love, but the appointed time might be next week or next month or next year. Whether God’s plan for you includes a “ring by spring” or not, it’s perfect. Open your hands to it and let it unfold.
Next week, I’ll publish Part 3 (the final post in this series). If you enjoyed this post, I’m confident you’ll enjoy The Ring by Spring Ruse because it covers this topic and many other relevant topics for single girls. You can order it today!
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