Letting Go of My Calendar Life

How dependent are you on a calendar? Maybe a paper calendar or the easily accessible phone calendar?

I am too dependent on the calendar. There are three things in this life that I adore: calendars, lists, and sour gummy worms.

But I’m going to focus on the first thing for now. (I may have to talk about my favorite sour gummy worm brands later on. Or I could just tell you that Brach’s is beast at making gummy worms. 🙂 )

I need a list of things in my life that are set in stone. And this dependence is a natural thing, but it’s not a good thing. The calendar is constantly changing. Events get cancelled and added. In life, there are no certainties that I can write down on a planner with a Sharpie. Pencils were created for a reason.

I set expectations way too easily—even in little ways.

For example, if my mom decided to go shopping at Walmart, then I would get in Walmart mode. I’d decide what to get and prepare myself for Walmart. (Call me corny if you must.) If we decided to go to Giant instead, I would get in a tizzy because my plans were frustrated and changed. My logic is seriously messed up sometimes.

I’d just like life to be set in stone (but I know I need to let go of this desire). I want to know what the next (hopefully) 80 years of my life are going to look like—and I’d love to know every single detail. But life doesn’t work like this. It seems like nothing can stay the same.

But Jesus can.

He’s the only One who needs to stay the same.

Even though my plans change a lot, the One in control of my plans has better ideas for me.

If I could see my life in 50 years, then I wouldn’t really need God. I’d be in control of my own life. But I’d mess it up pretty badly. Because I am imperfect, my plans will be imperfect.

I’ve been trying to convince myself lately that I don’t need to know everything and that God will tell me what He wants me to do with my life when I’m ready to know.

But when will this be?

When will that perfect, light bulb moment come when I figure out my future?

Or maybe my future has already been figured out. Maybe my future has already been planned. And I know it looks amazing because my God is amazing.

If I stay on God’s path and obey Him, then I will know what I need to know when I need to know it.

It’s just so hard to simply…wait.

What am I supposed to do while I’m waiting for everything to finally make sense? Just what I mentioned above—staying on God’s path and following Him.

I am not ready to know my future because right now I am dependent on me, me, me. I am not waiting patiently. In fact, I’m waiting very impatiently.  Maybe you are you, too. I get ya. It’s very hard to watch friends and family members and classmates discover what they want to do with their lives when you feel like you’re still on step one. They’re already celebrating at the end of the Candy Land game, and you’re still trying to find out how to get through Licorice Valley (or whatever it’s called because I know it’s not that).

It’s okay. Celebrate anyway. Celebrate as you finish high school or start community college or start a new job or serve in church or try new hobbies. Celebrate as you walk through this very season of life because it is a gift.


Your life doesn’t start when you enter college or get a job or get married. Your life doesn’t start when you figure out what to do with the rest of your life. Your life started before you were born because God knew what He wanted you to do before you were born.

I keep telling myself that when I’m supposed to know what I’m going to do with my life, I will know. I keep hoping and praying that I’ll figure out God’s will. I don’t want to doubt something so sacred and perfect. I want to be sure that it’s my calling and that I’m ready for it.

But I don’t think I’m ready yet. I think I need to grow in God more and fall in love with Him before I can commit to His will. If He told me to go to Kenya and be a missionary, I would be far from ready. I would be kicking and screaming on the plane. In fact, I wouldn’t even buy a plane ticket.

I have my mind set on some things that I would like to be…but I have to pick one single thing and run with it. I don’t know what that single thing is. And I hate not knowing, but this is where I am right now…in the unknown.

Know that you’re not alone in the unknown.

While many of my friends know what they want to do for their careers, many of my friends are still unsure. Society says that you’re weird if you don’t know what you want to do with the next 50 years of your life; but you are not weird. In fact, you’re very normal.

You’ve heard the phrase, “I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future.” This really gets old fast, especially for the unsure high school student. But it’s true. We don’t have to trust ourselves; and that should be a relief! If we follow God, big things are in store for us.

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34 NASB)

“And which of you by worrying can add a day to his life’s span?” (Luke 12:25 NASB)

“‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for prosperity and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.’” (Jeremiah 29:11-13 NASB)

We’re not supposed to worry about tomorrow for a reason. The reason? It makes us absolutely miserable. It reminds us that we aren’t in control (but it’s a good thing we aren’t in control).

Look at the last section of verses especially. This is a promise from God that if we try to grow close to Him that He will let us find Him. You have to seek Him to find Him, and you aren’t going to find Him by lying on the couch and hoping for something to happen. Make it happen.

God’s timing is perfect. I may doubt it at times, but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t love me and want the right thing for me. I just need to follow Him. I need to seek Him.

When I am supposed to know, I will know.

You aren’t the only one who is unsure of God’s will. There’s many others just like you and me.

Don’t rely on your planner, and don’t rely on yourself to create a good future. It won’t be nearly as wonderful as the one God has planned for you.

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