Last week’s post included three things that will wreck our self-esteem. But there are lots of things that we (perhaps unconsciously) choose to do that damage our self-esteem. Here are a few more of them:
4. Only focus on yourself.
This may not seem like a self-esteem wrecker. After all, self-esteem is all about self. But the interesting thing about self-esteem is that when we focus on ourselves, we often end up feeling unhappy and insecure. Instead of believing that we’re amazing people, we start noticing all of our flaws and failings, especially compared to others.
But what if we focused more on others? Would that boost our self-esteem? I believe it will! God designed us to have godly relationships—relationships built on selflessness.
Instead of always putting yourself first, try putting someone else’s needs or desires first. This can be as simple or complicated as you want it to be. Cook dinner to give your mom a break, go out for coffee with a friend who’s going through a difficult season, leave encouraging notes in your kids’ rooms, or have a conversation with someone who seems lonely. We shouldn’t become prideful about doing acts of kindness, but they naturally boost our self-esteem.
5. Don’t take care of yourself.
The flip side of spending too much time on ourselves is not spending enough time on ourselves—specifically, how we look. Think about the last time you really took care of yourself. Did you pick a nice dress to wear, curl your hair, or wear mascara and lip gloss? Did you get a manicure, buy a new perfume, or even just brush your teeth? How did you feel afterward? Probably really good!
Personally, I don’t feel very beautiful or confident when I’m wearing sweatpants, a messy ponytail, and no makeup. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with dressing casually and taking a break from our daily routines, but making it a habit can cause our self-esteem to plummet.
I’m not saying that you need to wear a prom dress everywhere you go, but there’s definitely a correlation between putting effort into your appearance and feeling confident. If you’re not in the habit of taking care of yourself, start with basic hygiene like showering, brushing your hair, and regularly changing your clothes. Then try applying makeup, painting your nails, or wearing nice clothes and see if your self-esteem increases.
6. Surrender to Satan’s lies.
I could discuss this topic for hours, but here’s what you absolutely need to know about this is: Surrendering to Satan’s lies will wreck your self-esteem. And he doesn’t just want to wreck your self-esteem—he wants to wreck your relationship with God. Of course, he can’t steal your salvation. But he can steal your joy and confidence in Christ.
Satan might tell you that God doesn’t really love you, God can’t use you, you’re alone, you’re unwanted, you’re a terrible Christian, you’re ugly, you have no worth, etc. The list goes on forever. We can’t control which lies we hear, but we can control whether or not we believe them.
If we fight against Satan’s lies, we can find victory. But if we give up and allow him to control our thoughts, he will. We can’t let him have that control. To start fighting Satan’s lies with the truth, you might need to see a Christian counselor, talk to a family member or friend, memorize passages of Scripture, or devote more time to prayer. A large dose of Satan’s lies will lead to a small view of self and a small view of God.
Closing Thoughts
For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7 NASB)
Self-esteem should never be about pride, self-centeredness, or overconfidence. Rather, it should be about realizing our identity in Christ. We don’t have to be ashamed or uncomfortable about who we are if we belong to the King.
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