Is It Wrong to Use Dating Apps?

I’m not going to pretend I’m an expert on dating apps because I’m not. I’m also not going to pretend the Bible addresses dating apps because it doesn’t. For those two reasons, I can’t say concretely that using dating apps is or isn’t wrong. However, I still have lots of thoughts and observations about this topic that will hopefully help guide you in your dating app decisions.

The Organic Options

I recently joined a Christian singles group that was actually started by a single girl in my area. In short, she started the group because she was tired of using dating apps. Through the activities she’s planned, I’ve met several guys who are in the same season of life as me. I’ve gotten to observe them, talk to them, and even go out with one of them. (You might get to meet him in a future post.)

I hesitate to use the term “organic” to describe these interactions because it’s so cliché, but honestly, it fits. I haven’t had to spend countless hours on dating apps or look at endless profiles in order to make connections with guys. I’ve had real conversations with real guys in real time—and I’ve gotten to see the good, the bad, and the ugly simply by being with them.

To be honest, participating in this Christian singles group has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Meeting guys, conversing with them, and letting them initiate—or not initiate—has been stressful. But this group has forced me to leave my comfort zone, which is ultimately a good thing. Unfortunately, dating apps often keep people in their comfort zones, letting them hide behind their profile pictures and their fun bios.

I definitely don’t blame you if you’ve thought about trying dating apps. It can be difficult to find organic ways to meet guys. (Oops, there’s that word again.) But I need to ask you a hard question: Why do you want to use dating apps? Frankly, even though it’s not necessarily wrong to use them, there are plenty of wrong reasons to use them.

Below the Surface

“The heart is deceitful above all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the results of his deeds.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10 NASB1995)

I don’t know your motives for wanting to use dating apps, but God does. He understands what’s in your heart and mind. And ultimately, He rewards decisions that honor Him and punishes decisions that don’t. No matter how you decide to meet guys—whether it’s on dating apps or not—just know that He sees it all.

There are couple questions I recommend you ask yourself as you decide: Do you want to use dating apps because it’s truly your last option or because it’s your last easy option? Do you want to use dating apps because you’ve sought God’s will through reading the Bible/praying/seeking wise counsel and have a genuine sense of peace about them or because you’re afraid and/or tired of putting yourself out there in real life?

While I empathize with the fear and/or weariness you may have about putting yourself out there, I don’t think it’s a good enough reason to use dating apps. I believe that when you choose the hard thing over the easy thing—like entering unfamiliar, uncomfortable situations to meet your future husband instead of turning to dating apps to try to find him—courage is cultivated. Maybe it’s time to join a Christian singles group, get set-up by your friends, participate in a new ministry at church, or try something else you’ve been reluctant to try. You don’t enter the unknown alone, friends.