I’m not going to sugarcoat it: Being ghosted is hard. The rejection combined with the lack of closure makes it a very unfun experience. It definitely happens on dating apps, but yours truly can attest that (unfortunately) it also happens beyond the dating apps. No matter how you were ghosted, though, I want you to know you can get through it. In last week’s post, I shared two radical truths to help you process the experience and move forward. Here are a few more radical truths you should also keep in mind:
Truth #3: God Sees and Punishes Sin
I’m still angry with James* for ghosting me—and for the way he’s treated me since ghosting me. His behavior has been cruel and cowardly, and honestly, I want him to experience the same pain he’s caused me. But deep down, I know it’s not my job to hurt him for hurting me. I’ve had to remind myself many, many times that he’ll reap what he’s sown.
I believe that—at its core—ghosting is a sin. And Scripture is clear that God doesn’t take sin lightly. Don’t believe the lie that He’s ignoring your pain or failing to execute justice. When His children are mistreated, He takes action at the right time and in the right way. Even if you don’t get to see God punish the guy who’s ghosted you, you can trust that His justice will prevail.
Truth #4: It’s Okay if You Can’t Forgive *and* Forget
If you’ve been a TTT reader for a while, you know I’m not Taylor Swift’s biggest fan. Truth be told, I do like some of her songs—but I have very mixed feelings about her song “I Forgot That You Existed.” It’s catchy and fun, but I wonder how honest it is. In this song, she essentially says she randomly forgot about her ex-boyfriend. She didn’t love him or hate him; she just felt indifferent toward him.
Oh, how I wish that would happen to me. But alas, James is still very present in my mind (and in my life). When I want to beat myself up for my inability to forget about him, however, I have to remember my calling: “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9 ESV). Even though the “forgive and forget” concept is popular in the Church, it’s not very realistic—especially if the guy who ghosted you continues to show up in social situations in your life. But I truly believe you can forgive him—and even bless him—without magically forgetting about him. When his offense comes to mind, you can choose compassion instead of spite.
Truth #5: God Will Empower You to Forgive
For over two months, I’ve prayed for God to replace my sadness, anger, bitterness, and frustration toward James (and his new girlfriend and the entire situation) with His peace. I feel helpless to do anything but pray. I don’t know when I’ll be able to forgive James for hurting me and put it behind me—but I know that I’m not there yet and that I can’t get there without God guiding me there.
When you feel like you can’t forgive the guy who ghosted you, pray. Ask God to help you surrender your bitterness. Ask Him to heal your broken heart. Ask Him to fill you with His peace that surpasses all understanding. Apart from God, you can’t forgive—but with Him, all things are possible.
*Name has been changed.
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