If you missed last week’s post, I highly recommend you read it before you get too far into this week’s post. In Part 1, I explained how and why I feel behind in life. I compared this feeling to a race—a race I didn’t sign up for but quickly began to lose, despite my best efforts to keep up with the other runners.
Deep down, I know I’m not truly behind my friends and acquaintances who have husbands and children. I realize God’s plan for me is perfect, just as His plans for them are perfect. But I still feel behind. This feeling—and the way we choose to handle it—is the focus of this post. We’re going to explore the God-honoring way to handle it by diving into an Old Testament story.
How the Story Unfolded
Abram (who later received the name Abraham) and Sarai (who later received the name Sarah) were a married couple in the Old Testament. Sarai wasn’t able to have children (Genesis 11:30). But one day, God spoke to Abram, not only promising to give him a son but also promising to give him essentially innumerable descendants (Genesis 15:1-21). Sarai, however, wasn’t willing to wait for God to work. Sarai encouraged Abram to have sex with her servant Hagar, and Abram agreed (Genesis 16:1-3). Hagar became Abram’s wife and then became pregnant (Genesis 16:3-4).
When I initially started writing about feeling behind, I planned to focus on both Sarai and Hagar. I’m sure they both felt behind in a sense. Sarai was infertile, unable to have children. Hagar was a slave, unable to have freedom. Neither situation was ideal.
However, I think Sarai handled the situation worse than Hagar did. Yes, Hagar treated Sarai with disdain (Genesis 16:4), which was wrong. But in turn, Sarai treated Hagar with cruelty—so much cruelty that Hagar fled to the wilderness (Genesis 16:6). God encountered Hagar there, revealed His compassion for her, and told her to go back to Sarai and submit to her (Genesis 16:6-14). But even though Hagar returned to Sarai—which appears to be a step toward reconciliation—I don’t see anything about Sarai trying to reconcile with Hagar. (And—fun fact—Sarai would treat Hagar poorly in another specific situation, which you can read about in Genesis 21:9-10.)
I’m sure Sarai was discouraged about being infertile, and I’m sure she was tempted to envy women with children. Maybe that’s why she was so cruel to Hagar. Maybe she resented that she hadn’t been able to conceive a child with her husband but Hagar had been able to—seemingly easily.
What Lay Beneath the Hastiness and Harshness
But frankly, this mess didn’t start when Sarai told Abram to conceive a child through Hagar; it started when Sarai failed to trust God’s promise. Back in Genesis 15 when God spoke to Abram, He promised to give him a great reward (Genesis 15:1). Since Abram didn’t have any children, he didn’t understand how God would fulfill this promise and thus suggested that perhaps his servant Eliezer would inherit his riches, but God assured Abram that his son—not his servant—would be his heir (Genesis 15:2-3). “Then the LORD took Abram outside and said to him, ‘Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That’s how many descendants you will have!’” (Genesis 15:4 NLT).
Between the time God made this promise and the time He fulfilled it, at least 14 years passed. (I say this because—based on Genesis 16:16 and Genesis 21:5—there were 14 years between the birth of Hagar’s son and the birth of Sarai’s son). Though Sarai could’ve remained hopeful, she lost faith and surrendered to fear.
However, the truly remarkable thing about this Old Testament story isn’t Sarai’s faithlessness—it’s God’s faithfulness. Though Sarai was hasty and harsh, God kept His promise. At 100 years old, Abram became a father to a son through Sarai. “And Sarah declared, ‘God has brought me laughter. All who hear about this will laugh with me’” (Genesis 21:6 NLT).
How to Apply the Story to Our Lives
I doubt Sarai would’ve literally said, “I’m behind.” However, her story reveals that she didn’t fully trust God’s timing. When we believe we’re behind, that’s what we tend to do too. The harmless emotion “I feel behind” can quickly morph into the false belief “I am behind.” This false belief is dangerous because it leads to the same sins Sarai committed, including impatience with God and cruelty toward others.
As I shared in Part 1, I feel behind in regard to getting married and having babies. But you might feel behind in a completely different way. Maybe you feel behind because your friends and acquaintances are buying houses or getting promotions or leading ministries or earning degrees or certifications…and you’re not there yet, even though you want to be there.
Friends, I understand how hard it is when people your age enter new seasons of life and you stay put. But they aren’t actually ahead, and you aren’t actually behind. God is good, creative, and intentional. His plan for each person—including you—is perfect. From His point of view, there’s no such thing as “ahead” or “behind.” You have the same choice Sarai had—to trust God’s timing or not. He’s faithful to fulfill every promise He makes.
The LORD kept his word and did for Sarah exactly what he had promised. She became pregnant, and she gave birth to a son for Abraham in his old age. This happened at just the time God had said it would. (Genesis 21:1-2 NLT)
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