Earlier this month, I was working from a local coffee shop when I overheard an interesting conversation. A man at a nearby table was telling someone about a date he’d gone on recently. Apparently, the woman he’d taken to dinner had ordered something very expensive at the restaurant.
The man’s story led me to think about the golden rule—Jesus’ command to “treat others the same way you want them to treat you” (Luke 6:31 NASB1995). Applying this command to our interactions and relationships isn’t usually easy, but it’s definitely doable. In this post, I’ll share three practical ways we can apply the golden rule to dating.
1. Be Patient
Dating—especially the early stages of dating—can be very awkward. But awkwardness is normal because nervousness is normal. If you start dating a guy and notice that he’s a little nervous (or shy or chatty or antsy), it’s important to be patient with him.
Being patient communicates, “It’s okay to be human. I’m human too.” Taking that approach can help the guys we’re dating (and us!) feel more comfortable.
You might remember my post last year about a guy I didn’t vibe with during our one and only date. Truth be told, I could’ve been more patient with him. After approximately 55 minutes, I essentially told him I was going to head home. Honestly, I was ready for the date to end because trying to engage him in conversation was difficult. But I probably should’ve allowed him to lead the date, being patient with his pace and personality even though they were different than mine.
2. Be Courteous
Being courteous simply means being considerate and polite. If you’re curious what it looks like in a dating situation, here are some suggestions to consider: Arrive on time (or a little early). Ask him questions. Listen while he’s talking. Maintain eye contact. Don’t just talk about yourself. Don’t pull out your phone (unless you want to show him something specific). Don’t order the most expensive item on the menu if he’s paying for the date.
I recently went out with a guy named Marshall*, and even though the relationship ended, I appreciated his courteousness on both of our dates. He paid for my coffee on the first date, and he paid for my lunch on the second date. (Don’t worry—I didn’t order anything extravagant on either date. That wouldn’t have been very courteous.)
When Marshall ended the relationship, he did it in a nice way. I haven’t seen him since then, but if I do, I can smile and wave without feeling super uncomfortable. And that brings me to my final point…
3. (If Applicable) End the Relationship Graciously
If you come to the conclusion that the guy you’re dating isn’t the right guy for you, that’s totally okay—but I strongly recommend you end the relationship sooner rather than later. It’s easy to delay a breakup, but honestly, it’s not kind. Just do it!
When you end the relationship, be as clear and complimentary as possible. Don’t ghost the guy, even if you only went on a couple dates with him. If/when you see him in the future, you don’t have to walk up to him and give him a big hug—but aim to be pleasant and friendly.
I’m a firm believer in the phrase “clarity is kindness” because I’ve experienced the opposite. When James* went MIA instead of being straightforward about his feelings and intentions, I was very hurt. (Several posts I published last year recount more of the story.) His behavior toward me—in our “non-breakup breakup” and in our encounters afterward—made me feel super uncomfortable. But I’ve developed an affinity for the phrase “clarity is kindness” as a result.
Closing Thoughts
People might act like the golden rule is a cliché, but it’s actually a command from Jesus. As His followers, we’re called to treat others—including the guys we date—the same way we want them to treat us. Being patient, being courteous, and (if applicable) ending the relationship graciously are a few practical but powerful ways to apply the golden rule to dating.
*Names have been changed.
