Where God's Word Meets Our Mess
So I have this problem—a problem of pointless pursuits. Pointless pursuits have kind of been the theme of my life, at least in the last few years. I haven’t pursued empty things because people failed to warn me about the consequences. Ignorance wasn’t the issue. My stubbornness was.
Others have done what I want to do—become a traditionally published young author of a nonfiction Christian book. Honestly, I envy them. I want their success. But for now, I’m an almost-graduated college student without a published book. And those authors are living my dream.
But as I visit church after church and feel like I don’t quite fit, I sigh. As I notice Sean walk past me without acknowledging me, I sigh. As I struggle to find a job that sounds enjoyable, I sigh. I’m just glad that God hears me when I do.
But one thing hasn’t changed in five years: I still want to be a writer. And honestly, there's enormous hidden pressure on me to get a book deal, see my name on the front cover, and be famous. This pressure doesn’t come from my parents, sisters, or friends. It comes from my Try-Harder Self—and she’s the dogmatic, degrading, and demanding type.
The coronavirus makes us angry and frustrated. Thinking about it is simply depressing. Everyone I’ve talked to has somehow been negatively affected by it—whether it’s getting laid off from a job, being sent home from college, or transitioning to teleworking. But I think that there’s an underlying reason why we hate COVID-19 so much.
But that hasn’t actually happened. I don’t want to be done with Sean, I don’t want to let him go, and I don’t want to move on. I’ve put too much time into our fantasy relationship. And unfortunately, I'm being both facetious and serious.
Yes, I'm referring to the coronavirus. This sickness is a hot topic in our culture right now. However, it's more than just a sickness. In fact, I'm more scared about its effects than the possibility that I could catch it.
I wouldn’t say that I've “arrived.” I don’t have thousands of blog followers—not even close. I haven’t been published on lots of “big” Christian websites like Christianity Today or Desiring God. I don’t have a book proposal ready (or even started, ahem). But I’m here—and "here" is a good place to be because this is where God has brought me. He's the One who helped me say “yes” to this journey.
Because a recent “no” in my life has left me feeling emotionally shaken yet again. It caused an important door to close—or, rather, to slam shut in my face. And now, I just feel lost...and afraid.
Tizzie's Tidbits of Truth 