Everyone tells you that college is the best time of your life and that post-college will be the worst time of your life. Perhaps the best time of your life will officially be over in approximately three months. So you panic.
So many things have happened over the past five years. But one thing hasn’t changed in five years: I still want to be a writer. I still want to get a book deal. I still want to see my name on the front cover. I still want to be famous.
When I try to find satisfaction in people and things, all I feel is the emptiness in my soul that screams, “More, more, more!” And we were made for more, dear friends. In fact, we were made for eternity with our all-satisfying, all-fulfilling, all-completing Savior. He won’t leave you longing for more. In the perfect home God created us for, there will be no unsatisfied longings.
I know what it feels like to be the outsider looking in. So that's what this poem is about—watching your friends start dating, get married, and have families. This poem is about feeling stuck on the sidelines and wondering how long you'll be waiting. But the waiting isn't meaningless. You'll see why.
After about five-ish years of crushing on Sean (yes, for real) and not receiving any sign of mutual liking, I had had enough. At least I said I had had enough. However, mentally, I was not prepared to let him go.
What if—right now—we just need to rest in God and His perfect timing? What if we all learned to recognize that now may be a period of waiting—not dream-chasing?
I felt a twinge of jealousy crawling up my spine as I stared at the words on my computer screen. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. A friend of mine had just received her very first book contract. Why hadn’t I received a book contract? I just couldn’t figure out what I was missing. Was I not doing enough? Was it simply not the right time for me to be a published author? Would it ever be the right time? How many articles and blog posts did I have to write until it was the right time? And then I began to realize the truth of the matter.
There’s one giant fear that all these little fears revolve around. It plagues me constantly, especially while I’m writing. I often wonder…
All I know is that life is perfect in Disney…but it isn’t in reality. In movies and TV shows, life is exciting and full of adventure. It includes trips to Paris and falling in love and getting paid to write poetry. So little boys and girls, like myself, create expectations that lead to disappointment and failure. We discover that traveling to Paris is incredibly expensive, falling in love also includes heartbreak, and getting paid to write poetry rarely happens. Unlike what Disney has told us in fairytale movies, our dreams don’t always come true in reality.
I think most people feel like an unbaked bowl of cookie dough for the majority of their lives. We feel like an unbaked bowl of dough, or a blank canvas, or an unfinished math problem. And, for most of our lives, we constantly ask when the dough will be baked, the canvas will be painted, or the problem will be solved. We waste our whole lives trying to figure it out. And, as we try to figure it out, wrestling with questions and doubts and concerns, the cookies are being baked in the oven, the canvas is being painted, and the math problem is being solved—and we don’t even realize it.