I know that I almost allowed anorexia nervosa to ruin my life. Thankfully, God intervened. Perhaps you also realize that your eating disorder could’ve ruined your life. But also realize this: you are not your eating disorder.
Eventually, the muffin was gone, and I realized that I had eaten it…well, at least half of it. It wasn’t a giant muffin, but that didn’t make a difference in my post-anorexia mind. It might as well have been a basketball-sized muffin with triple the chocolate chips. The rest of the day, I allowed my thoughts to descend into Ed’s Black Hole.
Do you ever get tired of hearing that you have to be a smaller size? In order to be considered “okay” in today’s culture, you have to firm up your abs, get rid of your fat, tighten your butt, sculpt your arms, fit into those skinny jeans, and do it all with a smile on your face! If you’re tired of hearing it—and hearing it—maybe you need to stand your ground, rebel, and go against the tide. There is so much more to you than just a size or a number.
I had an eating disorder, anorexia nervosa, for about two years. Since February 24th through March 1st is Eating Disorder Awareness Week, I wanted to write a post about eating disorders. Even though it might be a little painful for me and for you.
As I walked out of the building, I couldn’t help but wonder: Why was everyone so unhappy while they were exercising? What are we trying to achieve by sweating persistently, feeling utterly exhausted, and even permanently injuring our bodies? Are we truly trying to be healthy, like we claim? Or are our motives a bit messier than that?
If we chase the “ideal” body, we will never be content. Trust me—I’ve tried. But you don’t have to love your body, You don’t even have to believe that you’re beautiful. Because it’s more important to pursue a godly heart than a toned body.
Satan wants to convince us that something is wrong with how we look. He whispers that nothing fits me well and that my body is dreadfully ugly. But Satan is “the father of lies” (John 8:44 ESV). He wants us to believe anything that will draw us away from the Father.
I just wish God would make my struggles disappear. I know He could do it if He wanted to because He can do absolutely anything (Luke 1:37). But that doesn’t mean He will. His plan is so much greater than that.
I stared at the mirror in utter disgust and frustration. Why did I only feel hatred and despair when I looked at myself? Was I really as ugly as I appeared? Were my eyes playing tricks on me?
The truth is that I’m a healthy size and weight. In a perfect world, I would love my body because it is perfectly healthy. But I am slowly beginning to see reality: in our fallen world, we may never love our bodies.