Where God's Word Meets My Mess
It doesn’t make sense, does it? I know that you’re trying to make sense of why you’re still alone. Why no one has wanted you. Why no one has touched you. Why no one has dared utter your name—except to criticize you or order a cheeseburger and fries combo meal. You’re not trying to be haughty or self-centered. You just want to know: God, why not me? And God, why her?
While I do believe that women are called to modesty (both in heart and in clothing choices), I also believe there should be a shift away from the idea that lust is a guys-only sin. Because if we treat lust like a guys-only sin, then girls will either not feel convicted of their lust or they will feel alone in their struggle. Neither of those things is okay.
I know so many people who have rushed into marriage with the wrong person because they wanted to be married or thought that they should be married at a certain age or stage of life. You aren’t just with the person you marry for now but for a lifetime.
Don’t be in a rush to get married. This sounds so simple, but there’s a reason that Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7 to not seek after marriage. In singleness, you have so much freedom to serve others and spread the gospel that can never be achieved again. So don’t waste your singleness pining after marriage. Make the most of this time.
As my friends sort through their romantic relationships—whether married, engaged, dating, or almost-dating—I sort through my feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and despair. I cling to my unwantedness like a beloved toy. It feels wrong to cling so tightly to such an ugly feeling, but I can’t seem to let go. All I want to know is this: Am I wanted?
Before you assume that I’m saying it is sinful to write letters to your future husband, I promise that’s not what this post means. For me, it could lead to sin. For you, it may lead to positive things, like gratitude or submission to God’s will. And that’s amazing! Just don’t forget to be on guard against sexual, unrealistic, or discontented longings.
Many young Christian women are on one end of the spectrum or the other when it comes to seeking guys’ attention. They often either quietly attempt to repress their desire for it or boldly communicate it through their words and actions. Neither extreme is good. We can't overcome our craving for a husband—and that’s largely because of the Fall.
God knows I need time to grow in Him before I can get close to any guy. And that’s how I’ve tasted His goodness. Though I've been treating Him like a villain for not allowing anyone to ask me out, I've actually been living in His mercy.
I fantasize about love because, deep down in my soul, I don’t actually believe I will get to know it. Yes, it is real for other people—but not for me. I have been given access as an observer, but not a partaker.
I know what it feels like to be the outsider looking in. So that's what this poem is about—watching your friends start dating, get married, and have families. This poem is about feeling stuck on the sidelines and wondering how long you'll be waiting. But the waiting isn't meaningless. You'll see why.
I almost got married last night.
In my dreams, of course. When I woke up this morning, I realized I had had a devastating, awful nightmare...the groom didn’t show up at my wedding.
Rather than becoming captivated with a great guy, I became captivated by this book’s deep romance. The love between Solomon and the Shulammite woman astounded me. How could such a wealthy king—who could have anything and anyone he wanted—fall in love with her?
Now, of course, this is the perfect opportunity for me to make up a great story about how I’m cherishing my single life and how I don’t need a man. I just need my career…or gal pals…or Jesus. Right? But the truth isn’t nearly as complicated as those made-up reasons.
I want you to know that feeling lonely isn’t sinful; it’s human. You’re not the only one who feels lonely, and you’re not the only one who wants a boyfriend/girlfriend. So I hope this poem resonates with you and gives you the strength to press on and keep waiting.
The reason my heart hurt was because it seemed like the commenters could only express their feelings in the comments section under my article. Was that the only “safe” place for them to share how they truly felt about guys and relationships?
