Don’t Let a Guy Define Your Worth

Sometimes, I just want to walk up to him and ask him the question. I mean, what would he say? I’d love to know how he’d answer if I asked him.

“So. Why don’t you like me?”

And, if I wanted to be extra bold, I would add, “I am a fun, sweet, pretty girl…aren’t I?”

The Sean Saga Continues

Yes, I’m talking about Sean* again. Remember Sean, the guy of my dreams who I can’t stop thinking about? You know, the gorgeous guy in my life who doesn’t even know I exist?

I’ve made excuse after excuse to explain his lack of attention toward me. But I haven’t yet found the excuse that makes me feel better.

Excuse #1: “He’s not even allowed to date me because he works at my college. I’m sure that’s against the college’s policy and that he would get in trouble for developing a serious relationship with me.”

Excuse #2: “He must not be 100% mature yet. Once he grows up a little, he’ll fall for me.”

Excuse #3: “He just doesn’t know I like him. I’m a quiet person, so that’s why he hasn’t shown interest in me.”

But while I make excuse after excuse, Satan tells me lie after lie.

Lie #1: “You’re just too fat. If you lose some weight, he’ll like you.” (Truth: If I lose any significant weight, I’ll be at an unhealthily low weight.)

Lie #2: “You’re not athletic enough for him. He’s an athlete, and you’re not—but you need to be if you want to attract the right guy.” (Truth: If I need to change who I am to make a guy like me, he’s not the right guy for me.)

Lie #3: “He’s out of your league. You’re just not good enough for him, and you never will be.” (Truth: I am already enough, and he won’t make me enough.)

And, of course, I always feel better after making excuses and listening to lies. Not.

Lies, Lies, Lies

I’m a drama queen at heart, friends. That’s why I love medical shows. I hate needles and surgery and hospitals, but I love drama.

And, as a drama queen, I realize I have blown this Sean thing way out of proportion.

Maybe you’ve done the same. With that cute football player who seems to talk to every girl except you. With that new guy at church who always stares at you during the service but has never said hello. With your brother’s gorgeous best friend who acts like you’re just his brother’s little sister—and nothing more.

Girls, girls, girls. Why are we looking to guys to affirm us? Why do we think that a guy’s attention will prove that we are enough? This irks me, but it also breaks my heart, even though I’m guilty of doing it myself.

Truth, Truth, Truth

What we need to do is tell ourselves the truth, not make up excuses or listen to Satan’s lies. And we certainly shouldn’t throw ourselves a pity party. Pity partying has never helped anybody except the devil. Neither has idolatry.

“What profit is the idol when its maker has carved it, or an image, a teacher of falsehood? For its maker trusts in his own handiwork when he fashions speechless idols. Woe to him who says to a piece of wood, ‘Awake!’ to a mute stone, ‘Arise!’ And that is your teacher? Behold, it is overlaid with gold and silver, and there is no breath at all inside it. But the Lord is in His holy temple. Let all the earth be silent before Him.” (Habakkuk 2:18-20 NASB)

Maybe you just have a little crush. That’s totally normal and acceptable. Go you.

But we sometimes transform crushes into obsessions. We may “fashion” a romantic daydream and naively “trust in” the guys we want to date. An innocent little crush can quickly become a consuming idol.

Excuses Aren’t Always Excusable

Do we expect a guy to be—as Habakkuk 2:19 says—our “teacher”? To somehow show us that we’re valuable? That we’re worth it? We shouldn’t let him have that privilege because he doesn’t deserve it.

Sure, maybe Mr. Right just needs to get his act together. Maybe he just needs to figure out his career path. Maybe he just needs to mature.

Or maybe we need to realize that turning a guy—a fallible, imperfect, broken guy—into an idol is sin.

Sean may never like me. Cute Football Player, Church Pew Guy, or Bro’s Gorgeous Best Friend may never like you, either. We can either accept that, or we can keep fighting it.

God says that, in Him, we are enough. So don’t waste your time obsessing about a fantasy that you fashioned in your head. That guy in your life isn’t worth it.


*Name has been changed.

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