Before I started writing this post, I promised myself that I wouldn’t give you easy answers to the question “Why have I never had a real relationship?” Personally, I can’t stand the well-meaning but cliché blog posts, articles, and books that tell me that Jesus is all I need and that I’m only lonely because I haven’t found my satisfaction in Him.
Yes, Jesus is all we need. We technically don’t need romantic relationships in this lifetime; we’ll survive without them. But there just isn’t a cookie-cutter answer to the question “Why have I never had a real relationship?”
So my promise for this post is that I won’t give you any cookie-cutter answers. No wearing plastic smiles, hiding behind masks, or slapping Band-Aids on our broken hearts. Just real answers for our real doubts about why we’ve never had real relationships.
It’s About to Get Real
No one has ever asked me out. Honestly, writing that sentence makes me want to hide in a hole. So if you’ve never dated either, I know—from personal experience—how you feel:
- You observe happy couples—on screens and in real life—and sigh heavily every time because you feel like you’re missing out on something amazing.
- You sing worship songs in church and listen attentively to every sermon but struggle with feelings of bitterness toward God as you stare at the young married couples in front of you.
- You long for the day when you can be physically intimate with your future husband but still feel like an outcast when you remember that no guy has dared pursue you to let you know that he wants the same thing.
- You listen to sappy love songs hoping that you’ll somehow feel like you’re dating as you listen to them yet continue to feel utterly alone.
- You attend the wedding of your 18-year-old cousin who found the love of her life but start weeping uncontrollably as soon as you leave the reception.
- You glance across the room during every Bible study gathering and wonder why all the girls—except you—have guys sitting next to them.
- You secretly pray every single night that you’ll get married before your best friend does but doubt your prayers will be answered with a “yes.”
This is the life of a girl who’s never had a “real” relationship. We spend a decent amount of time feeling curious because we’ve never experienced what could be, doubtful because what could be isn’t what is, and hurt because what is doesn’t seem as lovely as what could be.
Our longings are real, and we don’t need to be ashamed of them. But because God created us with these longings and He only creates good things, we can trust that we’ve been blessed with these longings, not cursed.
Hope for the Future
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Genesis 1:27-28 NKJV)
I realize that I could’ve included a Bible verse or passage about finding contentment in Christ. While I do believe that we should find our ultimate satisfaction in Him, I thought that it’d be more appropriate in this post to simply remind you that the curiosity, doubts, and pain that you’ve experienced from not having a “real” relationship are normal.
God told Adam and Eve exactly what to do with their lives: Have children and exercise authority over the earth. If we’d lived before the Fall, it would’ve been simple to live out that calling. But it’s still possible to live out that calling. It’s still possible that you’ll date, get married, and have a family of your own. Just because you’ve never had a “real” relationship thus far in your life doesn’t mean that you won’t ever have one. God’s design for marriages and families hasn’t changed, and we can find comfort in that.
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