“These letters will help you grow in your love for him.”
“They will be a priceless gift that you can give to him on your wedding night.”
“Writing these will totally change your life.”
In Christian culture, it seems like everyone advocates the practice of writing letters to our future husbands. I get it—it seems like a harmless way to connect the souls of two people who haven’t met yet. And what girl doesn’t love to daydream about Prince Charming? But unfortunately, that may be what your letters to your future husband become—daydream sessions.
Guard Your Heart…and Your Mind…and Your Soul
Honestly, I haven’t written that many letters to my future husband. However, I do feel like there are several dangers that lurk beneath this seemingly innocent activity.
No one else can tell you how you feel when you write letters to your future husband because I don’t know your motives. Your heart, mind, and soul are in the care of the Holy Spirit. Only He knows what’s truly going on inside of you, but it’s possible for sin to creep into your life when you focus too much on a person (i.e., your future husband.)
Of course, maybe you’re not tempted to sin when you think about your future husband. That’s great! Grab those gel pens and get crazy with the letter writing. Just remember that daydreaming about him, your wedding, and your future together—even when your dreams are simply written out in a letter—can quickly lead to sin if you don’t guard your thoughts. Be on the alert for these three things:
1. Lust
Unfortunately, writing a letter to your future husband can easily turn into fantasizing about sex. Innocent things can become triggers for lust—whether it’s listening to romantic songs (even if they’re clean), reading romance novels (even if they’re written by Christian authors), watching rom-coms (even if there are no explicit sex scenes), or writing letters to your future husband.
If you start to notice yourself daydreaming about unhealthy things (like having sex with him) as you write to your future husband, stop. Just don’t do it anymore! There are no commands in the Bible saying we need to write letters to our future husbands. But there are commands about not lusting.
2. Unrealistic Expectations
I’ll admit that I have unrealistic expectations about Prince Charming. Obviously, he’ll be super charming. But in my head, I also expect that he’ll be unbelievably godly and gorgeous. It’s hard to remember how flawed he’ll be…but he will be. And I am, too!
Writing letters to your future husband may lead to you putting him on a pedestal. After all, since you haven’t met the flawed version of him yet, it’s easy to forget as you write these letters that he’ll be broken—just like you are. One sign that your expectations are becoming unrealistic is if your letters always focus on your future husband’s qualities and never address his possible flaws.
3. Discontentment
Writing letters to our future husbands can be a form of daydreaming. Obviously, daydreaming can be innocent and fun. But one problem with daydreaming is that we sometimes don’t notice how obsessed we are with the daydream and how dissatisfied we are with reality.
Similarly, when you turn to your future husband—by writing letters to him—rather than turning to Jesus, it’s not okay. Any challenges that you face should first be given over to God. He’s loving and good in a way that your future husband never will be.
One Last Thing
Before you assume that I’m saying that it’s sinful to write letters to your future husband, know that I’m not saying that. This practice may lead to positive things in your life, like gratitude or submission to God’s will, which is wonderful! Just don’t forget to be on guard against lust, unrealistic expectations, and discontentment.
Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. (Colossians 3:5 ESV)
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