“These letters will help you grow in your love for him.”
“They will be a priceless gift that you can give to him on your wedding night.”
“Writing them will totally change your life.”
In Christian circles, it seems like everyone advocates the practice of writing letters to your future husband. I get it—it seems like a harmless way to connect the souls of two people who haven’t met yet. And what girl doesn’t love to daydream about Prince Charming?
Guard Your Heart…and Your Mind…and Your Soul
Honestly, I haven’t written that many letters to my future husband. (It sounds like too much work for me!) But I do know this practice is encouraged in Christian articles and books. And, unfortunately, I feel like there are several dangers that lurk beneath this seemingly innocent practice.
No one else can tell you how you feel when you write letters to your future husband. I can’t put motives in your heart, and I can’t get in your head afterward. Your heart, mind, and soul are in the care of the Holy Spirit. Only He knows what’s truly going on inside of you, but it’s possible for sin to creep into your life when you focus too much on a person—aka your future husband.
Of course, maybe you’re not tempted to sin when you think about your future husband. That’s great! Grab those gel pens and get crazy with the letter-writing.
Just remember this: daydreaming about him, your wedding, and your future together—even when your dreams are simply written out in a letter—can quickly lead to sin if you don’t guard your thoughts. Be on the alert for:
Honestly, writing a letter to your future husband can easily turn into a inappropriate sexual fantasy. Unfortunately, innocent things can become triggers for lust—whether it’s listening to romantic songs (even if they’re clean) or reading romance novels (even if they’re written by a Christian author). You’re not alone, friend.
If you start to notice yourself daydreaming about unhealthy things (aka having sex with him) as you write to your future husband, stop. Just don’t do it anymore! There are no commands in the Bible that we should write letters to our future husbands. But there are commands about not lusting.
2. Unrealistic Expectations
I’ll admit that I have unrealistic expectations about Prince Charming. Obviously, he’ll be super charming. But, in my head, I also expect that he’ll be unbelievably godly and gorgeous. It’s hard to remember how flawed he’ll be…but I’m flawed, too!
Writing letters to your future husband may lead to you putting him on a pedestal. After all, since you haven’t met the flawed version of him yet, it’s easy to forget as you write these letters that he will be broken—just like you are. One sign that your expectations are becoming unrealistic is if your letters always focus on your future husband’s qualities and never address his possible flaws.
Writing letters to our future husbands often equals daydreaming. Obviously, daydreaming can be innocent and fun, like thinking about our cute little home or how his eyes will sparkle. The only problem with it is that we sometimes don’t notice how obsessed we are with the daydream and how dissatisfied we are with reality.
Similarly, when you turn to your future husband—by writing letters to him—rather than turning to Jesus, it’s not okay. Any challenges you face should first be given over to God. He is loving and good in a way that your future husband never will be.
One Last Thing
Before you assume that I’m saying it’s sinful to write letters to your future husband, that’s not what this post means. This practice may lead to positive things in your life, like gratitude or submission to God’s will. And that’s amazing! Just don’t forget to be on guard against sexual, unrealistic, or discontented longings.
Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. (Colossians 4:5 ESV)