To the Girl Who Feels Like God Is Holding Out on Her

I’ve been “the girl who feels like God is holding out on her” so, so many times. In middle school, I felt like He was withholding friends from me. In high school, I felt like He was withholding direction about the future from me. In college, I felt like He was withholding mental, emotional, and spiritual recovery from anorexia from me. And if I’m being totally honest, I currently feel like He’s withholding a significant other from me.

But. I did hear something in a sermon several months ago that has changed my perspective on why God “withholds” good things from us—and it’s something you need to hear, too.

The Words I Needed to Hear

Dereck, the pastor whose words changed my perspective on God’s sovereignty, probably didn’t anticipate a girl listening to his sermon would be so impacted by his words that she’d literally write them down and frame them. But that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t want to forget those words because I knew I’d need them. (Spoiler alert: I have!)

And these are the simple—but impactful—words Dereck shared: “God will let us pass on what is good for what is best.”

As a woman in my twenties who has never been married or had a boyfriend or even been on a date, I feel like God has let me “pass” on an abundance of good things—i.e., every guy I’ve had a crush on who has not had a crush on me. Instead of fulfilling my desire for a romantic relationship (ultimately, marriage), He’s chosen not to fulfill this desire. And despite my best attempts to understand why, I haven’t been able to.

Because I know He’s present in my life. I know He loves me. And I know He can do absolutely anything.

So I ask Him: “Why are You holding out on me, God?”

And He answers: “Because I’m letting you—graciously letting you—pass on what is good for what is best.”

What Is Good and What Is Best

Perhaps you, too, have believed the lie that God is holding out on you—that He’s not letting you have something good because He’s not good. He somehow “kept” that good thing from you, and you haven’t been able to understand why. To this day, you miss it.

Maybe it was…

• A guy who liked you.
• A friend who could make you laugh in any situation.
• A job where the salary and benefits were incredible.
• A church where there were lots of ministry opportunities.
• An opportunity to travel around the world with your friends.

God may have let you pass on something good, friends. But I promise it’s only because He has something better—the best—in store for you.

Maybe it’ll be…

• A guy who loves you unconditionally.
• A friend who supports you in your relationship with God.
• A job where you can be a light to your lost coworkers.
• A church where you feel like you truly belong.
• An opportunity to go on a mission trip to an unreached people group.

Our Gracious Provider

“But they, our fathers, acted arrogantly; they became stubborn and would not listen to Your commandments. They refused to listen, and did not remember Your wondrous deeds which You had performed among them; so they became stubborn and appointed a leader to return to their slavery in Egypt. But You are a God of forgiveness, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness; and You did not forsake them. Even when they made for themselves a calf of molten metal and said, ‘This is your God who brought you up from Egypt,’ and committed great blasphemies, You, in Your great compassion, did not forsake them in the wilderness; the pillar of cloud did not leave them by day, to guide them on their way, nor the pillar of fire by night, to light for them the way in which they were to go. You gave Your good Spirit to instruct them, Your manna You did not withhold from their mouth, and You gave them water for their thirst. Indeed, forty years You provided for them in the wilderness and they were not in want; their clothes did not wear out, nor did their feet swell.” (Nehemiah 9:16-21 NASB1995, emphasis mine)

This is only a portion of the epic recitation from the Levites, Jeshua, Kadmiel, Bani, Hashabneiah, Sherebiah, Hodiah, Shebaniah and Pethahi on the Israelites’ day of confession and praise. Verses 20 and 21 are especially striking because they reveal God’s gracious nature—that in spite of the Israelites’ unfaithfulness, He didn’t withhold what they needed; He kindly provided for them.

So to the girl who feels like God is holding out on her, remember what Dereck said: “God will let us pass on what is good for what is best.” He’s not a cruel withholder; He’s a gracious provider. The absence of a good thing doesn’t mean God isn’t good. Rather, it means He wants us to wait for what’s best—and when we remember that truth, waiting for the best is possible.