You thought your eating disorder was behind you. Everyone promised to help you make a fresh start. The future looked bright.
Until you noticed the scale in the corner of your bathroom.
The rest of the story—and the progress you’d made up until that point—is now ancient history. It didn’t take long for you to spiral. Something in you snapped the second you saw the bright red number flash on the scale. Suddenly, it feels like everything has returned to the way it was before.
Back to Ed?
Everyone who’s had an eating disorder has triggers. Maybe your trigger is listening to a specific song or going to a specific place or eating a specific food or seeing a specific person. Perhaps it’s something else—something others find normal but you find worrisome.
Whatever your triggers are, they instantly take you back to your eating disorder days. To the deception. To the darkness. To the desperation.
The lies flood into your mind at an unprecedented speed and volume: You’re ugly. You’re disgusting. You’re worthless.
You begin to wonder if the lies are actually true—and if you should do something about them. Maybe you should just give on the whole recovery thing. If you return to Ed, maybe you’ll finally get a boyfriend or feel good in your own skin or wear the same size as your bestie. Maybe you’ll finally attain the perfect body.
Or maybe you won’t.
False Promises and Promisers
They [false teachers] promise freedom, but they themselves are slaves of sin and corruption. For you are a slave to whatever controls you. And when people escape from the wickedness of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and then get tangled up and enslaved by sin again, they are worse off than before. It would be better if they had never known the way to righteousness than to know it and then reject the command they were given to live a holy life. (2 Peter 2:19-21 NLT)
Ed (i.e., your eating disorder) is simply another name for Satan. And Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44) and the deceiver of the world (Revelation 12:9). I realize this passage from 2 Peter is describing false teachers, but I can’t help but notice the similarities they share with eating disorders. Eating disorders always promise more than they can deliver—yet they always demand more from you.
If there’s something you want to attain—like a specific body or size or weight—you won’t find genuine satisfaction even if you attain it. I know that from personal experience. I almost let anorexia destroy my life because I wanted to have the perfect body. But thankfully, God intervened. Over time, I learned that my pursuit was pointless because I was chasing a body that only existed in my mind.
Friends, Ed is in your past—and you can never go back to him. If something triggers you and you find yourself wanting to return to him, immerse yourself in the truth. Remember that God rescued you from the darkness and that He wants to help you move forward.
If you’re recovering from an eating disorder and need support during this process, check out my free devotional The Road to Real Recovery: A 10-Day Guide to Experience Eating Disorder Recovery. You’re not alone on the road to recovery!
This post was originally published here.
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