The Hardest Lesson I’ve Learned Since Real Recovery Was Released

In a few days, my first book—Real Recovery: What Eating Disorder Recovery Actually Looks Like—will turn three years old. On February 22, 2022, I became a published author. Big yay, right? Yes, it was an exciting day, but it was also an anticlimactic day. In fact, countless days since then have felt anticlimactic.

Honestly, I poured my heart and soul into Real Recovery. It was (and still is) my baby. When it finally became available for people to buy and read and enjoy, it didn’t sell nearly as many copies as I’d hoped or expected. I felt like a failure.

I’m going to be honest with you—I still feel like a failure sometimes, even though Real Recovery was published back in 2022. In the past three years, I’ve learned lots of hard lessons about writing, dreaming, and trusting God. One of these lessons has been particularly hard for me to learn, but my hope is that it’ll ultimately encourage you in your endeavors.

Not to Build a Ministry…

Up until a couple months ago, I desperately wanted to be the next Lysa TerKeurst. (By the way, she’s an influential Christian author who founded Proverbs 31 Ministries). She impressed me—not because I agreed with every single thing she said or did but because her influence in the Christian culture was so significant.

And I desired to have a ministry just like Lysa’s. I craved a huge following and a huge impact. I wanted podcasts, magazines, blogs, conferences, churches, and other organizations to invite me to share my oh-so-amazing insights. I hoped to become known by everyone everywhere as a tremendously talented author with an incredibly successful ministry.

But my desires quickly morphed into discontentment. Recently, the Holy Spirit began to convict me about the word “ministry.” While there’s nothing wrong with the word itself, we often use words like “platform” and “position” and “popularity” alongside it. I know from experience that those words can be problematic.

I sought opportunity after opportunity to promote myself and my book, desperately trying to become the next Lysa TerKeurst. But I felt the Lord whisper to me: “Grace, are you doing this to minister or to build a ministry?” Though it may not seem like there’s a major distinction between these, there is. Jesus’ life perfectly illustrates this distinction.

…But to Minister

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45 NLT)

Jesus’ ministry (which was a genuinely selfless ministry, by the way) was never about His platform, position, or popularity. It was about service, sacrifice, and salvation. He had one main mission during His time on Earth, and it was to save us. The heart of a true servant—the kind of servant Jesus was—isn’t set on becoming well-known or well-liked; it’s set on encouraging, helping, and nurturing others.

Honestly, I’ve found it difficult to minister as Jesus ministered. My sinful nature craves attention, influence, and a host of other worldly things. Still, I’m (very, very gradually) starting to accept the reality that I’m not meant to be like Lysa TerKeurst; I’m meant to be like Jesus. So whether Real Recovery reaches a handful of people in a specific place or countless people all around the world, that’s enough.