I published a post on TTT six years ago called The 3 Greatest Fears of Inexperienced Daters. At the time, I had no idea that I would still be an inexperienced dater six years later. But frankly, I still have the same fears about dating that I mentioned in that post.
Maybe you’ve never dated anyone either—or you’ve dated very few people—and you’re afraid of doing the whole dating thing “wrong.” Unfortunately, your fears about dating seem to be getting worse, especially as you get older. As a fellow inexperienced dater, I want to share an encouraging truth with you that will hopefully help you conquer your fears about dating.
Plunging into Fear
My dating-related fears hit me hard while I was at a bridal shower recently. Every attendee was asked to fill out a card for the soon-to-be-married couple. The words “Date Night Idea” were at the top of the card.
Immediately, I froze. I had zero suggestions for the bride and groom because I had zero dating experience. And as I stared at that blank card and it stared back at me, it taunted me: Well, you’re no help in this area. You’ve never been on a single date, weirdo. What ideas could you possibly share with them?
I secretly hoped that no one noticed how long it took me to fill out the card. Finally, I wrote down “picnic in the park” because that definitely seemed like a fun date night idea. But even when I finished writing my idea on the card, it continued to taunt me: Everyone in this room has been on a date except you. You’re the odd one out, Grace. You’re going to be so awkward to date—if anyone ever asks you out, that is.
Since that day, I’ve tried to remember that my dating inexperience doesn’t make me undesirable. I encourage you to remember that too. I even believe that the right guy will see it as a positive thing. However, even more importantly, I believe that God doesn’t need me—or want me—to worry about my dating inexperience. If my hope is in Him, I have no reason to be anxious about the relationships I do or don’t currently have.
Not Anxious During the Drought
Thus says the Lord, “Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength, and whose heart turns away from the Lord. For he will be like a bush in the desert and will not see prosperity when it comes, but will live in stony wastes in the wilderness, a land of salt without inhabitant. Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit. (Jeremiah 17:5-8 NASB1995)
The verse that stands out most to me in this passage is verse 8—especially the part that says the tree won’t be anxious during the drought—because singleness genuinely feels like a drought. After all, a drought is a period of time when there’s no water, and singleness is a period of time when there are no guys. But here’s the thing—when the drought comes, the tree planted by the water doesn’t become worried; it thrives. It relies on the One who sustains it in the rainy seasons and the dry seasons.
If you’re an inexperienced dater, you’ve probably gone through many dry seasons—or perhaps one very, very long dry season. Perhaps you’ve wondered when the drought will finally end. But believe it or not, you can flourish right here and right now.
Friends, remember this isn’t ultimately about you or your future husband because you can’t trust in yourself or in him. However, you can (and should) trust in the One who sustains both of you through the rainy seasons and the dry seasons.
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