I shared a post in February about knowing (at a very basic level) that a guy isn’t ready for a romantic relationship. If he’s not a Christian, he won’t understand the true purpose of marriage and thus won’t be ready to pursue marriage. Frankly, though, there are lots of other reasons a guy might not be ready for a romantic relationship.
Let’s say you meet a guy who professes to follow Jesus. He seems to have some great qualities, so when he asks you out, you say yes. You go out with him a few times, and you enjoy getting to know him. But you notice something about him that isn’t so great, and you wonder if perhaps he’s not as ready to date as you thought he was. Is it one of these five things?
Sign #1: He’s Not Walking with God
Sadly, there are many Christian guys who aren’t walking with God. Maybe they’re choosing to live in sin. Perhaps they’re ignoring certain commands in Scripture because they’re unwilling to make the sacrifices required to obey them. Maybe they’re seeking affirmation from the world instead of seeking the kingdom of God.
However, a guy who is walking with God is making efforts to grow in his faith. He’s regularly attending and serving in church, reading the Bible, and praying. He’s helping meet the physical, emotional, mental, and/or spiritual needs of other people. He isn’t perfect, but he’s trying to imitate Christ in his daily decisions.
Sign #2: He’s Disconnected from His Family
Sometimes, Christian guys have good reasons for not spending much time with their family members. Differences in convictions and lifestyles can make closeness difficult among family members. Similarly, physical distance between family members creates challenges for staying connected.
But not every reason a guy pulls away from his family is a good reason. The way he treats his parents and siblings now is a good indicator of the way he’ll treat his wife and children one day. If he isn’t close to his family members because he’s unwilling to forgive them when they hurt him—or because he’s unwilling to ask for their forgiveness when he hurts them—he’ll probably behave similarly when he has a family of his own.
Sign #3: He’s Not in a Position to Provide
I’ve met several Christian guys who aren’t ready to get married (or date) because they aren’t ready to be providers. As I discussed in a post last year, I’ve seen an unfortunate trend among guys in the Christian culture. Often, they pursue their education or their interests rather than pursuing real jobs with real income.
I’m not saying every guy needs to be the CEO of a big company or have a six-figure salary. I’m simply saying he needs to be in a position where he can—and will—provide for his future wife and children. There may be a period of time when a guy is unable to work, like if he gets injured or gets laid off from his job. But if he can’t seem to find (or keep) a job, that’s concerning.
Sign #4: He’s Not Paying for Your Dates
This probably won’t surprise you based on what I’ve shared about James* in previous posts, but he did the not-paying-for-our-dates thing. When we met at coffee shop for our first date, he bought a drink for himself, but he didn’t buy one for me. The same thing happened on our second date. (Shockingly, he paid for both of our meals on our third date.) I believe that by intentionally choosing not to pay for our first two dates, he was sending me this message: “I don’t need to try to impress you because I’m already impressive.” Honestly, the not-paying-for-our-dates thing revealed a deeper issue.
You can call me old-fashioned, but I think if a guy genuinely likes a girl and wants to pursue her, he’ll try to impress her, especially on the first few dates. He’ll pay for his part of the date and her part of the date. For example, if they go out to dinner, he’ll pay for his meal and her meal. She won’t have to step in and hand over her credit card because he’ll take care of all of their date expenses.
Sign #5: He’s Playing Games
This probably won’t surprise you either, but James played games—like the manipulative games that middle school girls play when they’re insecure, immature, and intimidated. At times, he played hard-to-get, which was a turnoff. On our third date, he basically told me he liked me but followed it up with “I’m taking a casual approach to this.” When he realized I wasn’t interested in playing his games, he ghosted me.
People “play games” in various ways, but this behavior ultimately points to insecurity, immaturity, and intimidation. It’s easy for a guy who likes a girl to let his pride control how he behaves. For example, instead of giving her a genuine compliment, he might try to get her to say certain things about him so he’ll get an ego boost. Or instead of asking her out, he might feign indifference toward her because he secretly fears being rejected. He isn’t clear or honest; he manipulates conversations and situations, he beats around the bush, and he plays hard-to-get.
Closing Thoughts
Let your eyes look directly ahead and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil. (Proverbs 4:25-27 NASB1995)
If you’ve noticed that the guy you’re dating has one (or more) of the five issues above, you probably shouldn’t be dating him because he’s probably not ready to be dating you. I realize that’s not very fun advice, but I don’t want you to date a lame guy because I don’t want you to marry a lame guy. Remember what lies ahead. Your present will become your future unless you make a change.
*Name has been changed.
Tizzie's Tidbits of Truth 