As a former anorexic who’s struggled to accept her body and maintain her health, the main thing I want you to know if you turned back to your eating disorder is that grace and forgiveness are available to you. It’s not too late to find freedom again. You can return to what’s right and true, and your brothers and sisters in Christ can help lead you there—if you’re willing.
Two Steps Forward
You finally did it—you recovered from your eating disorder (aka Ed). After years and years of struggling to let him go, you finally did. He’s finally gone.
Really, you overcame two hurdles: the hurdle of releasing your eating disorder and the hurdle of completing your recovery. Both things are behind you now. Your doctors and counselors are pleased, and your family is elated. Your health and wellbeing are no longer in danger. You’re able to self-manage your meals and workouts, as long as you maintain your weight. You walk in freedom from what once held you captive.
Now you have a life without Ed—a life that so many people (including you) had to fight so hard for. God gave you all the tools, support, and strength that you needed to get here. Being here is a gift, which is why I stated so emphatically in a post last year that you can’t turn back to your eating disorder—but that was before I started wandering back to mine.
One Step Back
More than a decade ago, anorexia crept into my life. I was able to hide my struggle for a while. As I quietly obsessed about the calories I consumed and burned, I gradually lost pound after pound after pound.
Ed was both an addiction and a companion. My high school self was very anxious—especially about the future—but I felt in control when I listened to Ed. Since I didn’t like my body, I took steps to “fix” it, like starving myself. Ironically, when I heeded Ed’s voice, he was in control, not me.
As Ed’s hold on me became stronger and stronger, I became weaker and weaker—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When I very reluctantly began the recovery process (which you can read about in my book Real Recovery), I didn’t realize how long it would take to let him go. But in the Lord’s time and in His way, He empowered me to leave Ed behind.
Since then, I’ve had ups and downs in my recovery journey. I don’t claim that I’m “all better” or “fully recovered” from anorexia. Recovery is such a fragile thing.
I actually felt the fragility of recovery earlier this year. Though nothing terribly traumatic happened, I did have a surprisingly stressful experience. Honestly, I felt out of control, just like I did when I was in high school. I only lost a little weight, but for a former anorexic, a little weight is a big deal. When I reentered recovery mode, I had to intentionally eat more and exercise less so that I could regain weight. It wasn’t fun or easy, but it was necessary—and thankfully, I didn’t have to do it alone.
Be Willing to Be Restored
My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one brings him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins. (James 5:19-20 NASB1995)
The focus of this passage is believers who bring fellow believers back to the truth, and I want to thank everyone reading this post who has brought me back to the truth—especially my parents and sisters. Over and over again, they’ve pointed me away from destructive lies and toward life-giving truths. They’ve kept me accountable, turned me from the error of my ways, and supported me through all my ups and downs.
If you’ve recovered from your eating disorder but started to wander back to it, let your brothers and sisters in Christ lead you to the truth. God can use them to restore you, so don’t harden your heart or shut them out. You won’t regret the decision to accept their help and return to the path of life.
Tizzie's Tidbits of Truth 