Last night, I had a dream that James* was married—but not to me. He was married to the girl he started dating approximately five seconds after he ghosted me. It was strange to see him wearing a gold wedding band in my dream. But frankly, I’m glad I’m not the one who gave it to him.
Worrying About What-ifs
This dream was a somewhat painful reminder of how my relationship with James didn’t turn out. Even though the relationship didn’t last beyond three dates, I sometimes wonder what would’ve happened if he hadn’t ghosted me. Of course, I wish it hadn’t ended that way. However, I know I’m not at fault—and I know it was ultimately the right thing for the relationship because he wasn’t the right guy.
Maybe there’s a relationship you have regrets about. Perhaps it ended in a messy breakup instead of a beautiful proposal. Or perhaps it ended with him telling you he found someone else instead of telling you he loved you. Or perhaps it ended with him ghosting you instead of asking you out on another date.
“What if it hadn’t ended like that?” you wonder. “What if it hadn’t ended at all?”
Friends, before you let yourself get lost in what-ifs, I want you to answer this question: Was the end of the relationship ultimately the right thing for it? If your answer is “no,” this post may not be applicable to your particular situation. But if your answer is “yes,” I encourage you to keep reading because I have something important to tell you.
Free from Regrets
They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces will never be ashamed. (Psalm 34:5 NASB1995)
Psalm 34 has comforted me as I’ve processed everything that happened with James. When I reflect on verse 5, I can see the faces of God’s people shining radiantly, without shame or regret, because they trusted and followed Him. Maybe I see too much from this short verse, but within the context of a psalm about having confidence in the Lord, verse 5 fits perfectly. And I believe it applies to all areas of life, including relationships.
If you knew deep down that the end of your relationship was ultimately the right thing for it, stop wallowing in shame. If you realized it wasn’t God’s will for you, stop holding onto regrets. If you didn’t have God’s peace about it, stop doubting yourself.
It’s normal to be disappointed and discouraged when a relationship ends. But it’s not necessary (or good) to worry about what might have happened if it hadn’t ended. Just keep moving forward with eyes on the Lord and your confidence in His plan.
*Name has been changed.
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