What No One Told Me Before I Downloaded a Dating App

For a long time, I didn’t really want to download a dating app, but I changed my mind about a month ago. With great naivete, I entered this brand-new world. Honestly, on many occasions since my entrance, I’ve considered making my exit.

Before I downloaded a dating app, I was told that I should have low expectations. I was told that pickings would be slim. However, there was one thing that I wasn’t told—and that’s what I’m going to tell you in this post.

Hard Questions

Before I downloaded a dating app, no one told me how attached I’d become to someone I’d never met—or how heartbroken I’d feel after losing him.

A few weeks after I downloaded the app, a guy named Eli* sent me a message. He was a Christian. He seemed sweet, interesting, and hard-working. And unlike most of the other profile pictures I’d seen on the app, Eli’s profile picture actually attracted me rather than repelled me.

We quickly transitioned from in-app messaging to texting, where we learned more about each other. Thing were casual at first. But about five days into texting, he asked me a couple specific, serious questions. First, he asked about my intentions for using the dating app. Second, he asked about my general thoughts on long-distance dating. He candidly shared his perspective on both things. And then I candidly answered his questions, expressing that I viewed the dating app as a way—though not the only way—to meet my future husband and that I didn’t love the idea of long-distance dating.

Then I asked a couple specific, serious questions of my own. First, I asked which candidate he voted for in the 2024 presidential election. Second, I asked about his general thoughts on moving. He lived hundreds of miles away, and I didn’t want to move there—or anywhere. I liked where I lived, and I wanted to gauge how much Eli liked where he lived. Although I wasn’t shocked by his response, I was still disappointed.

Hard Goodbyes

The good news was that we voted for the same candidate in the 2024 presidential election; the bad news was that he wasn’t open to moving because of his job.

I didn’t blame him for his response. (Well, I kind of did, but I also understood. After all, I didn’t want to move either.) Frankly, I didn’t want to waste his time—or mine—so I gently told him we were at an impasse because of our deep roots in our respective communities. From there, we essentially said goodbye.

I realized Eli might have responded to my second question differently if we’d gotten to know each other better before I’d asked it. We could’ve kept texting, which could’ve turned into phone calls, video calls, and even visits. But I didn’t see the point of stretching out a “pre-relationship” with someone who didn’t have a ready-to-move attitude. I saw no red flags otherwise. I wish him well.

But mostly, I just miss him.

Hard Truths

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision or not. I wonder if I should’ve been more optimistic, more patient, or more relaxed. I wonder how he sounded and how he looked because I never got to hear his voice or see his face, except in his profile picture.

I don’t know why I became so attached to someone I never met or why I feel so heartbroken after losing him, but disappointment is my reality right now.

Last year, I wrote a post about dating apps. At the time, I didn’t have any dating app experience. Now I have a little, but my opinion on dating apps is the same. Like I said in that post, I don’t think they should be our sole avenue for “putting ourselves out there” as singles. It’s important to meet people in real life.

Although I wouldn’t change what I wrote in that post, I’d add this piece of advice based on my recent experience: If you’re thinking about downloading a dating app, prepare yourself for disappointment.

Hard-Fought Hope

For the Scripture says, “WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM WILL NOT BE DISAPPPOINTED.” (Romans 10:11 NASB1995)

The Bible doesn’t promise that our lives will be free from disappointment. However, it does promise that Jesus will never disappoint us. When our faith in Him is firm, we can remain hopeful in spite of disappointment, even the disappointment we have about dating apps.

Like me, you may become very attached to someone you’ve never met and feel very heartbroken if you lose him. It’s okay to grieve a loss, even a virtual loss. But you’ll make it through the disappointment if you cling to the one who promises to never disappoint you.

*Name has been changed.