On the one hand, I’m afraid that I’ll have sex once and never want to have it again: What if having sex hurts? What if it’s uncomfortable? What if I hate it? On the other hand, I’m afraid that I’ll have sex once and won’t want to stop: What if having sex becomes my favorite new hobby? What if it’s super intense? What if I like it more than my husband does?
Dear Single Girl, I see you over there—watching Redeeming Love as you curl up in a ball on your couch with a bag of popcorn in one hand and a can of La Croix in the other. Last month, you promised yourself that you wouldn’t watch this movie because it’s a bit risqué. But that was before your boyfriend broke up with you. Before your best friend told you that she’s engaged. Before you realized that you’re 21 and have never been kissed. [Or insert other scenario that has caused a wave of indescribable loneliness to overtake you.] All you wanted was a little pick-me-up in the love department.
I think one of the hardest things for a Christian girl to accept is her desire for sex. Or maybe it’s just me. I wish I could say that I’m looking forward to marriage because I want to have a lifelong best friend or because I’m ready to love and be loved by my soulmate. But really, I’m just looking forward to having sex. And if you’re trying to follow God’s design for sex by saving it for marriage, I’m guessing that you’re looking forward to it too.
Y’all have heard me talk about Shawn Mendes’ music once before, and I couldn’t help but address another one of his hit singles, “Treat You Better.” This song is a little dated, but it’s still playing on the radio all the time. And honestly, it’s a goldmine for me—full of zingers that I could share with you. But I’ll try to keep my sass to a minimum. Get ready to hate Shawn Mendes’ guts. (Just kidding—that’s a joke. I’m not encouraging you hate him—just to evaluate his music with fresh eyes!)
Across the table, he stared at me with dreamy blue eyes and laughed gently. “How in the world did I end up with such a great girl like you?” he asked playfully. I shrugged and smiled at him. “Oh, I don’t know. I guess I could ask how I ended up with such a great guy like you.” He reached for my hand, and I gently rested mine in his. All I could do was look into his dark eyes and hope the moment never ended…But then reality set in, and my daydream came to a halt. Suddenly, the fantasy was over.
These are questions that the typical single girl with a high sex drive asks herself about sex. I’m not judging you if you’ve asked yourself these—and lots more—questions about sex. But, as single girls with a high sex drive, what can we do while we wait to get married and have sex? Here are a couple simple things.
While I do believe that women are called to modesty (both in heart and in clothing choices), I also believe there should be a shift away from the idea that lust is a guys-only sin. Because if we treat lust like a guys-only sin, then girls will either not feel convicted of their lust or they will feel alone in their struggle. Neither of those things is okay.
Before you assume that I’m saying it is sinful to write letters to your future husband, I promise that’s not what this post means. For me, it could lead to sin. For you, it may lead to positive things, like gratitude or submission to God’s will. And that’s amazing! Just don’t forget to be on guard against sexual, unrealistic, or discontented longings.