Why Flirting May Be More Dangerous Than You Think

In 2019, I published a post called “Why Daydreaming May Be More Dangerous Than You Think.” The post is about how daydreaming often precedes lust. It’s actually been one of the most popular posts on TTT, so I decided to write this post about flirting—because flirting often precedes daydreaming, which often precedes lust. To show you what I mean, I included an embarrassing story from my own life. You’re in for a treat.

Story Time

A couple months ago, I decided to try a local college and career Bible study. After attending it once, I was on the fence about it. I decided to go again to see if things got better—or worse. Things definitely got better when Zeke* started talking with me and my sisters after the lesson.

I had actually noticed Zeke the first time that I had come to the Bible study. He was handsome, funny, and charming. And as soon as we started talking, I was smitten with him. So I flirted—I mean, had a deep theological discussion with him about the Bible study lesson (ahem).

To be honest, I enjoyed flirting with Zeke. But I developed an obsession with him. I daydreamed and lusted. I looked forward to seeing him again.

But when he failed to show up at Bible study the next week (or the week after that), I was incredibly disappointed. I barely knew anything about him—except that he was a charmer. Yet I found I found myself missing him—as if we had broken up after a three-year dating relationship.

I decided not to go back to that Bible study a fifth time. I had had enough of the Zeke-related emotional ups and downs every time I went. So, with my mind made up, I asked God to bring him into my life another way. And then I wrote this post.

From Flirting to Lust

Here’s the thing about flirting: there’s nothing inherently wrong with it. The Bible doesn’t directly say anything about flirting. However, as girls whose emotions are tied to everything that we do, the action of flirting isn’t as harmless as it’s sometimes portrayed.

My story with Zeke demonstrates two potential negative consequences of flirting. First, flirting with a guy creates an emotional connection between you and him—a connection that is very hard to break. Second, flirting can easily lead to daydreaming, which can easily lead to lust. Truth be told, I gave into lust before I even flirted with Zeke. But flirting can make it even harder to not give into lust.

Don’t misunderstand me here—I’m not saying that I’m never going to flirt again or that you should never flirt again. However, I am saying that we need to be choosy about whom we flirt with. And, as Christians who are called to walk in the light, we need to ensure that flirting doesn’t lead to sexual fantasies.

The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. (Romans 13:12-14 ESV)

Flirting is a tricky topic to cover, especially on a blog where I want to be transparent about my failings but still point to the Truth about how we’re called to live. You’re not abnormal for desiring attention from guys and letting it go too far sometimes. But, as Christians, we’re commanded to put on Christ and say “no” to our fleshy desires. That applies to flirting, friends. Let the Holy Spirit guide you and convict you as you navigate your interactions with others—including with attractive guys at Bible study.

*Name has been changed.

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