If you could get inside my head, you would see that I’ve had a lot of questions and concerns about having sex with my future husband one day.
On the one hand, I’m afraid that I’ll have sex once and never want to have it again: What if having sex hurts? What if it’s uncomfortable? What if I hate it?
On the other hand, I’m afraid that I’ll have sex once and won’t want to stop: What if having sex becomes my favorite new hobby? What if it’s super intense? What if I like it more than my husband does?
So, to the virgin who’s worried about having sex, here’s what I want you to know: you’re not the only one who feels this way. You’re not the only one who’s struggling with both fear and excitement about having sex for the first time. You’re not the only one who’s caught in the middle between I want my husband to enjoy having sex with me and I want to enjoy having sex with my husband.
I know that you’re not the only one who feels this way because I feel this way. I hate not knowing what sex it going to be like because different people feel differently about it. It’s not like ice cream—basically everyone loves ice cream. But not everyone loves having sex. In fact, some people hate having sex (especially women, based on what I’ve heard and read).
So here’s my greatest fear about sex (and arguably the greatest fear that virgins have about sex): that I’ll be one of those people.
Our Present Worries About Future Things
I don’t want this to sound trite, but even though I’m worried about having sex, I seriously don’t think it’s worth worrying about. If it’s weeks, months, or years away, why bother even thinking about it right now? Not that we can’t ask questions or be curious or feel nervous. But truly, what’s the point of being anxious about something that hasn’t happened yet?
And He said to His disciples, “For this reason I say to you, do not worry about your life, as to what you will eat; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable you are than the birds! And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life’s span? If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? You men of little faith! And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying. For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things. But seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you. (Luke 12:22-31 NASB1995)
If you go on your honeymoon and sex turns out to be the worst thing in the world, then you can address it with your husband. And if the issue can’t be solved with martial conversation, you can talk about it with a doctor, Christian counselor, or another trusted individual. But in this sexless season of life, I would highly recommend devoting your thoughts to other more important things because there’s nothing you can do with those thoughts now—except give them over to Jesus and shift your attention to present matters.