Where God's Word Meets Our Mess
I started thinking about Four and Tris together…holding each other tightly…kissing passionately…with Four shirtless. And I started to imagine myself in Tris’ place…with Four and I holding each other tightly…kissing passionately…and Four shirtless.
As another girl answered Wyatt's call, I suddenly realized that he was calling the other Grace. I figured that they were already friends and that he wanted to tell her something. I stood in line, feeling slightly embarrassed. And many years later, I often feel the same way.
So my promise for this post is that I won't give you any cookie-cutter answers. No wearing plastic smiles, hiding behind masks, or slapping Band-Aids on our broken hearts. Just real answers for our real doubts about why we've never had real relationships.
I have two definitions for love. The first one states, “Love is zealously, selflessly, and unconditionally desiring and pursuing someone’s best.” This is my stated belief. The definition that I actually believe about love is this: a happy feeling that's always wrong and never appropriate. The best that can come from it is to pray that God will eventually deliver you from all desires and circumstances associated with it. This results in the best possible outcome in the situation: relief from the "not right."
I know what it feels like to be the outsider looking in. So that's what this poem is about—watching your friends start dating, get married, and have families. This poem is about feeling stuck on the sidelines and wondering how long you'll be waiting. But the waiting isn't meaningless. You'll see why.
I didn’t think that life would turn out this way. I thought that I was a fun, pretty, and sweet Christian girl. So why is this happening to me? Why am I still single?
If God is my everything, I don’t need anything. I don’t need a date for Friday night. I don’t need a boyfriend who buys me flowers. I don’t need a husband who holds me in his arms. And I don’t need Four. Because I have Him.
While it's unwise to dwell on the pain of loneliness (especially because we're not actually alone), it's good to recognize that it's not sinful to feel lonely. Loneliness is simply part of being human. You’re not the only one who feels lonely during this season of singleness. I hope that this poem resonates with you and gives you the strength to press on and keep waiting.
The reason my heart hurt was because it seemed like the commenters could only express their feelings in the comments section under my article. Was that the only “safe” place for them to share how they truly felt about guys and relationships? My story of longing and loneliness was their story, too.
