The Real Reason I’m Still Single

Woe. Is. Me.

That’s how I’m feeling right now. Call it mood swings. Call it PMS. Call it being melodramatic.

I call it the single life.

Oh, Naive One

I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 18 years old. There was nothing magical about the age of 18, but my parents thought it was a reasonable age when I could start a relationship that would potentially lead to marriage. Little did I know as a young, naïve teenager that I would still be very single at the age of 21.

I didn’t think life would turn out this way. You know, being 21 years old and still being single. Am I that repulsive? That ugly? That unlovable?

I thought I was semi-pretty, semi-fun, and semi-spiritual. The perfect combination, right? So why is this happening to me?

The Real Reason

Now, of course, this is the perfect opportunity for me to make up a great story about how I’m cherishing my single life and how I don’t need a man. I just need my career…or gal pals…or Jesus. Right?

That may sound blasphemous, but that’s not my intent. I’m simply mocking the excuses that some people make why they’re still single. Their excuses are amusing.

1. I could say I’m still single because I like being alone. I enjoy being able to pick what I want to watch on TV, choosing where I want to eat dinner, and driving at my own speed. I enjoy having my own job, my own car, and my own life goals. Why do I need a man when I have myself?
2. I could also say I’m still single because I have enough love from other people. I have a family that sacrifices for me, friends that care about me, and a church family that’s willing to help me. I enjoy watching movies with my family, chatting with my girlfriends, and spending time with my church family. Why do I need a man when I have family and friends?
3. I could even say I’m still single because I’m on a “fast” from guys. I want to grow closer to Jesus, learn more about who He is, and fall in love with him. I want to forget about guys, focus on how much Jesus loves me, and give up marriage if He asks me to. Why do I need a man when I have Jesus?

But those aren’t the real reasons why I’m still single. You want to find out the truth? The truth isn’t nearly as complicated as those made-up reasons. The real reason I’m still single is because no one has ever asked me out on a date.

Tell It Like It Is

Here’s the main point I want to drive home with this post: With a few exceptions, the majority of singles (at least women) don’t like being single.

Think about a single young woman in your life. Maybe it’s yourself, a friend, or a family member. Know this: No matter how big her smile is, how loud her laughter is, or how many Bible verses she posts on Instagram, chances are she’s not satisfied with being single for very long.

I’m definitely not a fan of singleness. Of course, some days are better than others. But most days, I wonder why no guys have asked me out in the past 21 years.

I could claim one of the previously mentioned excuses—I’m simply too independent, I’ve got enough love in my life, or I’m too spiritual to fall in love with a guy. Or I could be honest. I’m choosing to be honest, and I hope you’ll choose to be honest, too.

Singles don’t have it all together. They’re not more spiritual. They’re not more loved by Jesus.

At least this single woman doesn’t have it all together, isn’t more spiritual, and isn’t more loved by Jesus. I lust when I’m lonely, watch romantic movies when I need a boost, and vent to my girlfriends when I’m hurting. Even though I’m single, I don’t run to Jesus when I should…just like non-singles.

Yes, some individuals are called to singleness. I know I’m not one of them (unless God radically changes my heart and mind). I want to have a boyfriend, get married, and have sex with him. There’s nothing unspiritual about that, and please don’t believe the lie that there is.

Closing Thoughts

If you’re single: Remember that you don’t have to put on a front. Unless it’s completely legitimate, put away that I’m-Totally-Fine-Being-Single act. No matter how old you are, you don’t have to act like singleness is great when it’s not.

If you’re not single: Remember that you aren’t less spiritual (or less loved by God) than the singles in your life. That notion will only build up resentment in your soul, but singles need you. They need you to show them that they’re going to be okay—even if it means they won’t be dating by next month.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. (Romans 12:9-13 ESV)

Friends, we’re all in this together, single or not. Let’s stop wearing the masks and put on the Truth. The best way to love each other is genuinely and authentically.