The announcer didn’t call my name. He didn’t hand me a certificate. He didn’t congratulate me. He just called off other people’s names and written pieces and awards. And I just sat quietly in my chair and wondered why I had lost—again.
Feeling Defeated and Discouraged
I know what people would say to me if I told them how I felt. They would say, “Losing doesn’t make you a failure. It just means that you can’t always win.”
While that’s true, their encouragement probably wouldn’t make me feel better. Their words wouldn’t remove the sting of rejection, the ache of failure, or the pain of defeat. I’m a loser in the literal sense because I lost. And it hurt.
It hurt to congratulate my fellow students who were recognized. It hurt to smile when I didn’t hear my name called. It hurt to hug the contestant whose story won first prize. It hurt to sit beside my friend who was holding two impressive certificates.
Writing is one of many areas in my life where I’ve failed. It’s been rejected countless times, in countless ways. But in this situation, the sting of losing felt particularly painful.
Why did I have to lose this time? Why did he have to win? What was her secret to getting first place? What did he write that was apparently better than what I wrote?
Why Losing Is Beautiful
Although I don’t know the answers to those questions, I do know this: Our losses matter because we can use them to encourage other losers. After all, it’s difficult to truly encourage other losers if you’ve never lost.
Yes, it feels horrible to lose because losing breaks our hearts, crushes our confidence, and leads to self-doubt. It can cause anxiety, depression, and even despair. Though losses are temporary and mean little in the long run, they’re still disappointing to experience.
But there’s something beautiful about losing that we wouldn’t be able to experience if we always won. The beauty of losing is that we know how others feel when they lose. We can empathize, reassure, and strengthen those who have lost because we know exactly how they feel.
Losing means that we can congratulate the one who wasn’t recognized. It means that we can smile at the one whose name wasn’t called. It means that we can hug the one whose story didn’t win first prize. It means that we can sit by the one who isn’t holding any certificates.
How We Can Love Other Losers
Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. (1 Peter 3:8 ESV)
In the midst of defeat, we can (and should) have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, tender hearts, and humble minds. There are so many ways that we can demonstrate those godly characteristics, but here are just a few of them:
- As Paul told the Romans, we must “…weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15 ESV). We must be willing to experience the pain of those who lose—no matter how excruciating it may be. Let them express their emotions. Listen carefully to their thoughts and feelings. Offer comforting words of encouragement to them.
- We should avoid giving lectures or even pep talks. The worst thing that we can do when trying to comfort other losers is brag about our personal accomplishments or suggest ways for them to do be successful next time. Rather, the best thing that we can do is share honestly about the times that we’ve been defeated because it demonstrates humility and compassion.
- We need to point them forward. It’s difficult to think about future growth and success after a discouraging defeat, but we must gently (and firmly) nudge those who have lost to keep trying, keep hoping, and keep moving forward. That reminder can help them realize that the pain that they’re experiencing will fade with time.
Losing is temporary, but the choices that we make when we lose—and when others lose—have lasting value in God’s sight. In our everyday lives, we must seek opportunities to share in the pain of other losers, honestly discuss times when we have lost, and encourage those who have lost to look past their current defeats.
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