Recently, I wrote an article about being overdependent on one of my college friends. I noticed that I had put too much faith in her and that my expectations for her were way too high. I recognized that she can’t perfectly meet my needs, but Jesus can.
End of story, right?
Actually, no. After recognizing my overdependence on this friend, I then realized something scary. I had also developed an overdependence on my crush. He wasn’t even my boyfriend. In fact, he had only spoken to me one time.
When You Recognize Your Foolishness
Yes, it’s true. I had become overdependent on Sean*. Our relationship was nonexistent (as I’ve mentioned before), but I had somehow found a way to rely on him too much.
I relied on our imaginary dates, our imaginary wedding day, and our imaginary honeymoon. I placed my hope in the idea that, someday, he would ask me out and ask me to marry him.
It’s insane, I know.
Our relationship—or, rather, the fantasy of our relationship—became the thing I depended on. Not God’s real love for me. Not His real faithfulness to me. Not His real truth for me. I was overly dependent on a fake love, a fictitious faithfulness, and a false truth.
So what was wrong with me?
When You Recognize that God Recognizes Your Foolishness
As crazy as it sounds for me to idolize a guy who’s never shown interest in me, I did it. I do it, even though it doesn’t make sense. But doing illogical things isn’t something I want you to be ashamed of.
When your boyfriend dumped you last week, did you open a tub of chocolate ice cream? When your mom yelled at you for not doing your homework, did you lock yourself in your room? When your best friend started dating your ex, did you watch a sappy romantic movie? When your brother insulted you, did you blast music through your earbuds to feel better?
Why do we do those things? Why do we expect gulping down ice cream, isolating ourselves, watching stupid movies, and bursting our eardrums to make us feel better? It doesn’t make sense, does it?
Thankfully, God knows that we don’t make sense.
O God, You know my foolishness; and my sins are not hidden from You. (Psalm 69:5 NKJV)
I’ve used this verse on my blog before, but it’s such an amazing verse. God knows how foolish we are. He isn’t surprised when we do silly, illogical things. He made us perfectly, but He knows we do imperfect things because of the Fall.
Yet He isn’t deterred. He is willing to accept us, willing to love us, and willing to free us from our habits that don’t make sense. That kind of commitment is also illogical. But it’s beautiful, too.
I’m not saying it’s okay for me to have an overdependence on my crush. I’m not saying it’s okay for you to eat an entire tub of ice cream, stay locked in your room, watch unhealthy movies, or blast your music when you’re upset.
But that’s what we do. God knows that. And, even though we sometimes do unexplainable things, God still loves us with an unexplainable love.
*Name has been changed.