I almost got married last night.
In my dreams, of course.
When I woke up this morning, I realized I had had a devastating, awful nightmare. No, I wasn’t kidnapped. My family wasn’t eaten by monsters. My home didn’t burn down.
Rather, the groom didn’t show up at my wedding.
The Plot Thickens
In this awful dream, I set a wedding date and hoped a guy would step in to be my groom. (Yes, I know how silly and unrealistic that sounds.) Invitations were sent out, and I fully expected that a groom would be at my wedding. Sean* (aka my long-term crush who works at my college) was even in my dream, so I hoped he would be my groom.
However, when my wedding day came, there was still no groom.
No guy—not even Sean—rushed in to say, “I’m going to marry her.” No guy—not even Sean—stepped up to promise, “I will spend the rest of my life with her.” No guy—not even Sean—simply said, “I want her.”
So there I was, disappointed and distraught. Wondering why no one wanted me. And in that devastating and awful nightmare, I had to cancel the wedding.
But what does this dream reveal about me or guys or God? Maybe more than you would think.
Just Another Nightmare?
Satan can use even this nightmare as a weapon against me.
The devil wants me to believe: “That dream is basically reality, Grace. No guy will ever want you. After all, you’re a 21-year-old woman who has never been asked on a date. You’re so backwards.”
Obviously, those are lies because they are from the devil (John 8:44). We all have to recognize his lies and refute them. Otherwise, they will rule us…and so will he.
But there’s another important thing that I want to point out from my nightmare. Why did I pick a wedding date and expect a groom to show up? Who was I expecting to step in and save the day?
Perhaps Sean. Perhaps I let myself rely on a fantasy. Perhaps again.
Of course, it was just a dream. But our dreams often reveal where our thoughts are, and I’ll admit that I’ve been thinking about Sean (perhaps too much) lately. Will I ever be over him? I’m doubting it.
Entrusting Myself to a Fantasty
Perhaps that’s not the right question to ask. Rather, I should be asking whether I entrust myself to him—or the fantasy of being with him. If we’re entrusting ourselves to anyone (or anything) besides Jesus, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment.
Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name when they saw the signs which He did. But Jesus did not commit Himself to them, because He knew all men, and had no need that anyone should testify of man, for He knew what was in man. (John 2:23-25 NKJV)
Jesus knows how we work. He knows that we are cunning, manipulative, self-centered people. Sometimes, our actions are unintentional. Other times, they’re very purposeful.
Either way, as always, Christ serves as our example in this passage. How can we place so much confidence in anyone or anything besides Him? Why do we—as fallen people—entrust ourselves to other fallen people? We know who we are and what we’re made of. And it’s very little.
In my dream (and currently in real life), no guy—not even Sean—wanted to be my groom. Most likely—fingers crossed super tightly—the right guy will want to marry me someday. In the meantime, I need to let go of my stubbornness and cling to His trustworthiness.
Can you relate to how I feel? Who (or what) have you been entrusting yourself to? Your best friend? Your want-to-be boyfriend? Your boss? Your pastor? Your dream job? Your ministry?
Friends, do you realize what is truly inside of you? It’s a dark, deceptive, and drunken sinful flesh. That sinful flesh is in everyone else, too. Even believers.
Though that fact might be upsetting, it’s not heartbreaking. Thankfully, Jesus wants us to entrust ourselves completely to Him. And He is the only One who deserves it. Just ask my jilted friend, Grace.
*Name has been changed.