Why It’s Okay to Want a Guy to Want You

“Grace!”

I heard my name being called, and my ears immediately perked up. I was a kindergartener at a new homeschool group, and I was nervous. Everyone seemed so intimidating to me. I didn’t really have any friends there, but I was excited that someone was trying to get my attention. I looked around, searching for the owner of the voice and spotted Wyatt* across the room.

Is he calling me?

As another girl answered Wyatt’s call, I suddenly realized that he was calling the other Grace. I figured that they were already friends and that he wanted to tell her something. I stood in line, feeling slightly embarrassed. And many years later, I often feel the same way.

Two Ends of the Spectrum

Today, feelings of rejection, loneliness, and fear are more common (and far more intense) than the feelings of embarrassment that I had as a five-year-old. I wonder if any guys will dare to notice me and call out my name.

Was it wrong of me to hope that Wyatt was calling my name—to show me that he wanted me? Is it wrong of me to wonder when a guy will show interest in me—to show me that he wants me? No, of course not. It’s not a sin to want a guy to want you, friends.

Many Christian young women are on one end of the spectrum or the other when it comes to seeking guys’ attention. They often either quietly attempt to suppress their desire for it or boldly communicate it through their words and actions. Neither extreme is good.

I’ve stayed busy with school, work, friends, and family while acting like I didn’t want guys’ attention. However, the truth is that I do desire attention from guys. I’m jealous of my peers at college who have boyfriends and wonder how some girls have so many guys who spend time with them. And I hope that one day, preferably soon, I’ll receive the attention that I desire. But in the meantime, I can’t overcome my longing for a husband—because God implanted this desire into my DNA as a woman.

Made for Each Other

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” And out of the ground the Lord God formed every animal of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the livestock, and to the birds of the sky, and to every animal of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “At last this is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked, but they were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:18-25 NASB)

We don’t need to hide or suppress our desires for marriage. But we also need to ensure that these desires don’t become idols.

That’s the other end of the spectrum that many young women gravitate toward. They recognize their desire for male attention, and they freely announce it and act on it. They try as hard as they can to get it, even if it means texting guys nonstop, stalking them on social media, asking them out, and dressing seductively.

There’s a balance between pretending that we don’t find pleasure in receiving male attention/ affirmation and doing anything within our power to get that attention/affirmation. As we wait for God to bring the right men into our lives, we can look forward to the future while enjoying the present.

*Name has been changed.