Am I Wanted?

“Show me I’m wanted.”

I wrote that on my wrist with a red pen yesterday. I thought about it as I did homework and texted friends and worked out. I wrote it in my prayer journal this morning.

I wasn’t feeling a boy’s affection, and I wasn’t feeling Jesus. So I asked God to show me that I’m wanted. And I don’t think that I’m the only woman who’s ever asked Him to do that.

As my friends sort through their romantic relationships—whether they’re married, engaged, dating, or almost-dating—I sort through my feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and despair. I cling to my unwantedness. It feels wrong to cling so tightly to such an ugly feeling, but I can’t seem to let it go. I simply want to know this: Am I wanted?    

What “Better Things” Means

These are the thoughts that run through my mind as I sort out how I feel: Why is there such a lack here, God? Why can’t I have one boyfriend—just one? I don’t need to get married right now. I just to be wanted. I want a guy—any guy—to come up to me and say, “Hey, I want you. I don’t want anyone else, Grace. I. Want. You.”

And this is the thought that God brings to mind as I continue to wallow in self-pity: “I have better things for you than a boyfriend.”

In this phase of feeling unwanted by 99.9% of guys I’ve ever met, I simply have to trust that God means it. I have to trust that the “better things” He has planned for me—though I don’t yet know what they are—truly are better than a boyfriend.

Regardless of my relationship status, though, I do know this: Jesus wants me.

Remembered No More

I will punish her for the days of the Baals to which she burned incense. She decked herself with her earrings and jewelry, and went after her lovers; but Me she forgot,” says the Lord. “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. I will give her her vineyards from there, and the Valley of Achor as a door of hope; she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt. “And it shall be, in that day,” says the Lord, “That you will call Me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer call Me ‘My Master,’ for I will take from her mouth the names of the Baals, and they shall be remembered by their name no more. In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field, with the birds of the air, and with the creeping things of the ground. Bow and sword of battle I will shatter from the earth, to make them lie down safely. “I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord. “It shall come to pass in that day that I will answer,” says the Lord; “I will answer the heavens, and they shall answer the earth. The earth shall answer with grain, with new wine, and with oil; they shall answer Jezreel. Then I will sow her for Myself in the earth, and I will have mercy on her who had not obtained mercy; then I will say to those who were not My people, ‘You are My people!’ And they shall say, ‘You are my God!’” (Hosea 2:13-23 NKJV)

Even if we don’t physically chase guys, we often chase them in our souls. We go to the altar of “Unwanted” and offer a sacrifice—whether it’s our bodies, hearts, or minds—so that a guy will finally want us. And we forget the One who designed us for so much more. 

Christ loves us and wants us, friends. The ache in our souls—the ache that asks, “Am I wanted?”—may never completely go away on this sin-shattered earth, but we know the truth about our Redeemer’s love. Because of His great love for us, we will one day forget every negative feeling—including feelings of unwantedness from the people in our lives—and live in the fullness of His love forever.