Dear Single Girl

Dear Single Girl,

I don’t want you to skim over this letter. No matter how disgusted, discouraged, or disenchanted you’re feeling right now, please don’t skim this letter. Let the words sink in. I want to speak to your heart as best as I can.

Don’t worry—I’m not going to tell you that you’re loved or wanted or valuable whether you have a boyfriend or not. Single girl, you’ve heard those things a hundred times. You already know those things are true.

Instead, I’m going to tell you that I want you to cry. I want you to scream. I want you to vent. But I also want you to exhale.

What You Didn’t Expect

It doesn’t make sense, does it? I know that you’re trying to make sense of why you’re still alone. Why no one has wanted you. Why no one has touched you. Why no one has dared utter your name—except to criticize you or order a cheeseburger and fries combo meal.

You’re not trying to be haughty or self-centered. You just want to know: God, why not me? And God, why her?

Why does your best friend have a boyfriend but you don’t? Why did your younger sister get married before you even dated? Why does every movie show 14-year-olds kissing yet no one has even wanted to kiss you?

Some days, you feel like you can conquer the world all alone. You get good grades. You excel in your sport. You get promoted at work. You earn a big paycheck. You lead a large group at church. You rock the new car or the new hairdo or the new apartment. All by yourself.

But other days—perhaps more days than you care to admit—you feel like you can’t even conquer the dishes. Your body is numb with loneliness. Numb with depression. Numb with fear. Numb with the heartbreak that you’ve never experienced a heartbreak because you’ve never dated.

They say the clock is ticking. Friend after friend seems to get swept away into the sea of marital bliss. You didn’t think you would actually be the one who is always the bridesmaid but never the bride. You thought an ugly, miserable girl would end up with that role. But the ugly, miserable girl already got married.

You Can’t Fix the Broken Expectations

You thought the boys would be lining up at your doorstep to ask for your hand in marriage as soon as your parents said you were allowed to date. You thought the neighbor boy, the cute classmate, and the popular football player would all essentially fall at your feet. You thought that by your 21st birthday, you would definitely be married.

Instead, there is silence. Because the doorbell never rang. The prom date never happened. The “in a relationship” status was never posted. The “ring by spring” was never placed on your finger.

So what now? What should you do with all this disappointment? Where can you put all these crushed expectations? How can you be brave when the only emotion you feel is fear?

In You our fathers trusted; they trusted and You rescued them. To You they cried out and they fled to safety; in You they trusted and were not disappointed. (Psalm 22:4-5 NASB)

Maybe you were disappointed by that boy in kindergarten who wouldn’t stand next to you in line. Or maybe you were disappointed by that guy in fourth grade who wouldn’t hold your hand to pray in Sunday school. Or maybe you were disappointed by that classmate who wouldn’t ask you to the school dance in twelfth grade, even though you were the only one without a date.

But Jesus never ever disappoints. Yes, I know Jesus isn’t the same as a boyfriend. I know that having a boyfriend seems so much better right now. I know you just want to be held in his strong arms and kissed with his soft lips. It’s hard to hear people say that Jesus can be a substitute for a guy. 

But please hear this from your single sister: No matter how many times the guys in your life have disappointed you—whether it’s by not noticing you, not asking you out, or not continuing the relationship—Jesus hasn’t disappointed you 10x that. He never has and never will. Not in the past, present, or future.

Single girl, I don’t want to end this post in a cliché way. So I want you to end this post by telling Jesus exactly how you feel—no matter how hard it is. He wants to know. You don’t have to wait for Him to get His act together or to step up His game or to work up enough courage to tell you how He feels. He’s already here, and He’s already told you. It’s your turn.


Photo credit: Lexi

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