I think one of the hardest things for a Christian girl to accept is her desire for sex—or maybe that’s just me. While I wish I could say I’m excited about marriage because I want to have a lifelong best friend or because I’m ready to love and be loved by my soulmate, I’m honestly really looking forward to having sex. And if you’re trying to follow God’s design for sex by saving it for marriage, I’m sure you’re looking forward to it too.
Keeping It Hush Hush
Unfortunately, I feel like the idea of being excited to have sex (within marriage, of course) hasn’t been addressed appropriately among Christians. We try to pretend that our desire for sex doesn’t exist. We act like men are the only ones who want to have sex when, in reality, women do, too. We try to avoid talking about sex because it can be awkward and complicated. We naively believe that women rarely have a high sex drive and that if they do, it’s because they’re unfeminine tomboys.
I could go on, but I’ll stop there. I want you to know that I’m not saying that every Christian poorly handles the idea of looking forward to sex, but I do think that there’s a notion deeply engrained in Christian culture that marriage—especially for women—should be a prim and proper experience and that if we want more from it, we’re deviating from God’s design.
But friends, I want you to know that it’s normal to be excited about having sex with your husband someday and that it’s biblically acceptable.
The Truth About Your Desire for Sex
Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command. Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But this I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:1-9 NASB1995)
I don’t know about you, but I’m burning with passion and don’t see myself being celibate like Paul. But even though he was celibate, he realized some people—men and women—were made for marriage (and sex). I want you to notice a couple things about this passage:
- The husband has authority over his wife’s body (v. 4). But the wife also has authority over her husband’s body (v. 4).
- Men should get married if they burn with passion (v. 11). But women should also get married if they burn with passion (v. 11).
Friends, I realize that men often have a higher sex drive than women. But that doesn’t mean that it’s abnormal for you to be excited about being intimate—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—with your husband. Christian girls aren’t always vocal about this desire, but it’s something that God designed us with.
Whether you’re single or dating or engaged, I encourage you to be honest about your desire for sex (because it’s completely natural). There’s no need to be ashamed of the fact that you’re excited about it, even if you’re a little nervous about it too. Sex is something we can look forward to—as long as we save this powerful bonding experience for marriage.
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