In a recent post, I talked about my lack of dating experience. At the time, I didn’t know that I’d go on my very first date just a couple weeks later. The guy I went out with—James*—was tall, dark, and handsome. I met him in early March at an event for Christian singles. Two weeks later, James asked for my number and asked me out. I went on my first date a week after that, my second date a week after that, and my third date a week after that. Then I got my first broken heart.
Even though I only went on a few dates with James, our relationship felt like my first “real” relationship. Until I met him, I’d only experienced unrequited love. I’d liked plenty of guys, but none had ever liked me back—at least not enough to ask me out. James was different.
Honestly, the past several weeks have been pretty terrible. The whole James experience has taught me many hard lessons about dating. Hopefully, the ones I share in this post will help you avoid some heartache as you navigate romantic relationships.
Dating Daydreams
For years, I envisioned what my first date would be like. It’d take place at a fancy restaurant. I’d wear a dress, and he’d wear a suit. He’d shower me with compliments and pepper me with questions. He’d be enraptured by me, unable to keep his eyes off me the entire night.
Basically, I thought my first date would resemble the scenes I’ve watched in Hallmark movies—but it didn’t.
On my first date, I met James at a coffee shop. He didn’t pay for—or even offer to pay for—my coffee. We walked around a local park and sat down on a bench to talk. He seemed distracted. I couldn’t follow his train of thought much of the time. He didn’t ask me many questions. He brought up a “serious” ex-girlfriend. He didn’t give me a goodbye hug. The most romantic thing he did during the date was slowly scoot closer to me on the bench as we talked.
I thought James didn’t have a good time, so I was surprised that on the following day, he asked me out again.
Dating Nightmares
Our second date was a little better because he seemed less distracted, but our third date was a lot worse. I asked him about his faith—and about some other important topics—and it quickly became clear that we weren’t compatible. The words “I become more and more fond of you each time we meet up” came out of his mouth, which left me speechless. But they were followed by “I’m taking a casual approach to this.” (By “casual,” he meant “noncommittal.” By “this,” he meant “us.”)
In other words, I meant nothing to him and he was going to date other girls.
Then James completely ghosted me. I didn’t hear from him at all after our third date. I’ve actually seen him at multiple social gatherings since then, but he’s intentionally ignored me. In fact, he almost immediately paired off with someone else. I couldn’t help but think he was trying to get to me.
Lesson #1: Dating Isn’t Always Fun and Romantic
I’m going to pause that story until next week’s post. For now, I simply want you to take in this hard lesson I’ve learned from my first real(ish) relationship. I know it might not seem very encouraging, but I genuinely hope it’ll help you lower your expectations about dating because mine were so high and I got so crushed so quickly.
I’m just thankful God is near to the brokenhearted because that’s how I’ve felt for the past several weeks. I’ll touch on that more in Part 2.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18 NASB1995)
*Name has been changed.
Tizzie's Tidbits of Truth 